God, are you there? It's me, Matthew.
It's a good name.
An even better song.
"Jaron and the Long Road to Love" is a band with a new song that is getting a lot of radio play these days. Love the name of the band (though may I suggest "Jaron and the Long Road to Love/Hate?") but I like the song even more. If you want to hear it for free, you can do so at www.myspace.com/jaronandthelongroadtolove.
But here's some of the lyrics:
"Haven't been in church since I don't remember when
Things were going great 'til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can't go hating others who done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do his job and you just pray for them
I pray your brakes go out running down a hill
I pray a flower pot falls from a window sill
And knocks you in the head like I'd like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you're flying high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are honey, I pray for you."
I like where Jaron is going here. Getting in touch with his religious side, especially with the fantasy playoffs holidays around the corner.
When I get ready to sleep tonight, I will kneel down in front of my bed, hands clasped and pray ...
I pray Matt Forte's heat goes out in his house and then the repairman doesn't show up until it's much too late, just like he's done for his owners.
I pray Sean Payton has somewhere to go in a real hurry and only one of his three cars has enough gas to get him there. But he doesn't know which one, so he just has to guess and hope he doesn't wind up stranded.
I pray DeAngelo Williams is in surgery and just when the crucial incision is needed, the doctor has to step out at the last second. And the guy in the next operating room over gets that important last cut to put him over the top to total health.
I pray someone invents a time machine to go back and tell a 5-year-old me that being a Redskins fan will cause a lot of heartache and pain and maybe I should look elsewhere. I was 5. I'd have changed loyalty for a cookie. But now I'm stuck for the rest of my life. Been a tough year. Yeah. Tough year.
I pray, on the way to deliver food to them, a waiter drops dinner all over Terrell Owens and Braylon Edwards.
I pray Perkins puts out a calendar of its waitresses. Because that would make me laugh.
And with this 1-yard TD on Monday, Willis McGahee capped off a nice, tidy, 4-for-minus-4 day, outscoring Ray Rice 6-4 in standard league action. Totally fair, don't you think?I pray Willis McGahee spends a backbreaking week digging a ditch and just before he scoops the last clump of dirt, someone else comes along to do that and gets a big check for a job well done.
I pray this kid gets a better sense of timing before he graduates.
Hi Matthew. I'm in a feature writing class at the University of XXXX and I'm doing a feature on Fantasy Football. I was hoping that I could ask you a few questions for my story. This is not for a newspaper or anything, just a college course. [TMR note: He sent this on an NFL Sunday, my busiest day of the week, and what followed was 16 fairly complex questions.] My deadline is 5:30 p.m. Monday.
I pray Bill Belichick gets what he deserves. Actually, you know what? I think he already is.
I pray Mike Sims-Walker has a big party and, when he needs them to, no one shows up because they were out late the night before.
I pray Calvin Johnson spends a lot of money on a very, very expensive car and it spends a lot of time in the shop, so he has to ride around in Bryant Johnson.
I pray Chris Johnson gets every single thing he ever wants. He's earned it.
I pray someone finds Matt in Fresno, Calif., and gives him a hug. I think he needs it.
Matt (Fresno, Calif.): Dear Matthew, this morning you looked me in the eye and said that Jason Avant would have a huge day. You also said that you "guarantee it." Well I started him over the injury-plagued Roddy White and it turned out to be a 13 point swing. I've been listening to your horrible advice all season. You never seem to get anything right, (Nate Burleson week in and week out, John Carlson, I can go on and on with horrible decisions I've made based on your picks). You are a moron. I hate you so much. Wipe that stupid smile off your face because you wrecked my boat you goon.
I pray Eagles guard Max Jean-Gilles, whose illegal use of the hands penalty last week cost Jason Avant a 15-yard touchdown, meets a very pretty girl and is on his way out of the club, but just then her girlfriends grab her and drag her away.
I pray that Lander Allen in Santa Rosa, Calif.; Ed Tally in Warwick, R.I.; Erica Latker in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla.; David in Canton, Mich.; the sons of Steve Scotto in Long Island, N.Y.; Alexander E. in Petaluma, Calif.; Drew Lucas of Sanford, N.C.; Mike in Tampa, Fla; Aaron Chin in Davis, Calif.; and especially Ryan in Afghanistan, all the folks who reached out to me on Twitter and anyone else who has a late December / early January birthday get kick-ass gifts this year.
I pray every reader of mine who takes the time to post an angry message filled with personal attacks, or sends me a hateful, insulting e-mail ... has a safe and happy holiday. Every time you click, an angel gets more page views. Or something like that.
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