Sports & More Strange Brew Sports & More Strange Brew

  • Company offers 15% raise if you tattoo their logo on your body. Cue the DiBiase music!

    Posted by Jon Henseler

     

    CBSAs CBS 2′s Emily Smith reported Tuesday, a tattoo can be a way to show off your personality. For Rapid Realty employees, it is the fast track to a 15 percent pay raise if you get inked with the company logo. There are no size or location restrictions. Brooke Koropatnick got hers behind the ear. 

     

    First of all, I'd make fun of the cell phone camera recording here on Youtube, but I actually went to the theater and paid $10 to see this thing on it's opening weekend in and I'm pretty sure that's just how the movie was filmed. But you'll spend money and time on things like this when you can't drink. Honestly people think 18 year old's shouldn't be able to drink but I'd argue that between spending two hours watching this film, or housing 10 Natty Ice's that the amount of brain damage is negligible*.

    Anyhow I don't think this tattoo thing is a good idea, it's a GREAT idea! I mean a 15% raise? Yes please! Not to mention this kills two birds with one stone for me. I've always wanted to get a tattoo and I've always wanted to make minimum wage. This knocks both those out in one fell swoop! Plus the problem with the tattoo is that I never know what to get. That plus I've got decades of Catholic guilt and a healthy fear of my mom but those are different stories for different days. But in terms of a life decision I'd say picking a tattoo is probably more important than picking a college. A tattoo is with you for life so if it's awful it's awful until you're dust in the wind. But if you make a poor choice on a school you can just drink your way through 4 years and lie about where you went on your resume. But if I'm just forced to get the logo of my company then the choice is out of my hands! I mean yeah, it could be a lame logo, or you might get fired one day and be stuck with it, but those sound like future Jon's problems. 15% more promissory notes here I come!

    *That said I'd watch this over Citizen Kane 10 times out of 10.

    PS: This is essentially what it looks like for me every 2 weeks:

    Double PS: I would think if you work Mont-Sat you could probably ask for 20%

     

  • John Axford gets a little chippy in the post game.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    I think that about sums it up folks. John Axford just drinking Brewers fan's milkshakes for most of last season and early this season. Guy's going to be diabetic if he keeps on this pace. On the plus side with the mustache he could take Wilfred Brimley's sponsorhsip gig when he dies (/is dead?...googles is wilfred brimley dead....nope....still alive....although the google auto fill when you type in 'wilfred brimley' is 'dead' so that can't be a good sign).

    In any case I know this has been blogged and talked about to death but you've got to honestly wonder what they do with Axford now. He was lights out in 2011, came apart at the seams in 2012, but then sort of got it together at the end. Then comes out this year and blows a save out of the gate, gets relegated to 7th and 8th inning duty, again, kind of gets it in the right direction and then yesterday happens. And as we've talked about, I love the guy and I think a lot of people still do. Great story, really self-aware and funny dude, but at some point you've got to take the Michael Corleone 'it's not personsl, it's business' mentality with a guy who is costing you games pretty consistently. Like I don't think it's a stretch to say we have 3 more wins right now without Axford and that's kind of a lot considering it's only May 2nd. I dunno. I guess the only good thing is that Axe makes me go on angry walks with the dog every other time he pitches to work out frustration. Like it's a pretty safe bet that I'd look like Jabba the Hut if it weren't for him blowing saves left and right. So from that perspective I suppose he's been helpful.

    Also yesterday just upped the odds of seeing K-Rod on the Major League roster from 10% to at least 22%. Prepare accordingly.

    PS: This is how I look on my angry walks:

    Double PS: Click the link below for audio of Axford's post game yesterday. Might wanna pump the breaks Ax. Your personality is what's keeping you afloat right now.

    John Axford Vents

  • Rickie Weeks reads Strange Brew

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    I'd just like to point out that it's pretty obvious to me that Rickie Weeks is a loyal Strange Brew reader. Like that's the only explanation for what happened last night right? We post a Penthouse Forum style blog in dedication to Yuni B that makes 2011-Jon* puke in his mouth, and literally 8 hours later Rickie is pounding out 3 hits including a 3 run homer and knocking in 5 RBI overall. No way that's coincidence. And while I didn't mean to be rough on him, it's pretty clear he needed it. Like if you know someone who smokes and you want them to stop you show them a blackened lung and they decide to turn their life around. Well if you know someone who is underachieving you wirte a blog about how Yuniesky Bentancourt is coming for their job and they go out and look like the Jason Bourne of baseball.

    In all seriousness though, good to see him hopefully get out of his funk last night. I know the haters have been coming after him but anyone with half a brain knows that if Rickie is playing to his potential we are a better team. Question is if last night was an aberration, or if he is actually righting the ship. Time will tell.

    *Couple of things 2011-Jon, yes it's time to buy Rogaine, stop putting it in your Amazon cart and then deleting it, you'll thank me later. Also, subscribe to online Netflix now, you won't regret it. And maybe mix in a run now so that in 2013 it doesn't look like you're a wounded deer trying to get in shape.

  • Man goes to carnival, promptly loses life savings trying to win Tubs of Fun.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Well my friends the internet was having a blast at Henry Girbbohm's expense yesterday but you won't see Strange Brew casting an internet stone. Because our man here got caught in one of the great traps of mankind, the carnival game. I can remember the first time I played the milk bottle game* when I was 11 at the Sheboygan County Fair. There was an autographed Stone Cold Steve Austin photo that I had my eye on as a prize and the game looked so easy I figured it wouldn't take more than two or three tries before Stone Cold was going to join Robert Brooks and Bill Schroeder on my autograph wall of fame next to my race car bed. But game after game came and went and I was no closer to the my Rosebud. I walked away having also spent my life savings. Granted it was $17 but I can still understand where Henry was coming from. If I would have had $2,600 on my I would have spent it. So while some may laugh at him, I identify with him and I think if everyone's honest they can too. You go to a carnival looking for a good time and before you know it you've spent your life savings on a giant dreadlocked banana. We've all been there.

    *Now if it had been the dart ballon game this would never have been an issue. I don't want to brag but I'm like frieking Robin Hood on that game. I'd be walking away with every photo and stuffed banana that carnie had on him. It's too bad there's no practical use for that skill I suppose. But if at any point during the zombie apocolypse you need someone to throw darts and mini ballons, I'm your man.

    PS: Alright in all honesty my favorite part of the story is where he actually DROVE home after he blew $300 to get the rest of his cash and drove all the way back. Like just as a general tip for life, if you spend $300 on a carnival game and are so frustrated that you drive home to get more money, before you come back with your life savings maybe have a seat and think about what you're doing. Eat a Pop Tart, watch an episode of The Office or something and then if you still want to blow your life savings on a giant Rastafarian Banana go for it. But at least take a breath.

    Double PS: Look Ben, a carnie!

     

  • Little kid randomly gets housed by the mail slot.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    I'm pretty sure this makes me an a$$hole but I laugh everytime I watch this and I've been watching it pretty much on a loop since 10:30. And the thing was when I watched it the first time I already knew what was going to happen. Just sitting at my blogging station (bean bag chair, TV dinner stand) on the edge of my seat waiting for that magical moment where mail meets face. I mean what are the odds on this not only happeneing but being captured on film. Almost makes me feel like Mom set him up. Either way, all I can say is thank God we live in a time where when I feel down I can watch a video of a kid getting nailed by postal employee Newman and feel better about the world.

    PS: Do not bend. Just crease, crumple, cram, you'll do fine.

     

    Double PS: IN THE FACE!

  • Yuni B becoming our regular 2nd baseman becoming an actual, real conversation.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    You see? This is how you become the 4th most read blog on B93's website. Anybody could have just put those graphics up and left the reader alone and abandoned to decipher their meaning. Not me. Throw those bad boys in Microsoft Paint and Bob Ross them out with some Midnight Black and Alizarin Crimson. I guess I'm inspired to go the extra mile after watching Yuni B put together a first month of the season that is flat out bananas. I mean top 5 in the friekin' NATIONAL LEAGUE in RBI?! On pace for 34 bombs and 130 RBI?! Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! 40 years of darkness, earthquakes, volcanoes! The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!

    And with his start Rickie Weeks' clock has to be ticking right? I mean I've never been a Weeks hater by any stretch, when he's right he's one of the rare, power hitting second basemen in the league. But to quote Hank Hill, that boy ain't right. Batting sub .175 through the first month doesn't get you a meeting with the Bobs but it should certainly get you a seat next to Josh Prince and Kris Davis for a while. Now when Ramirez gets back this week, he obviously take back over 3rd and playing time becomes a bit more limited for Yuni. I suppose you could hide him at 1st for a while until Hart comes back in June, but if Rickie isn't out of his funk by then, you've got to wonder if Yuni takes second base over full time. Like I can't believe I'm typing that but for the time being you just can't take Yuni out of the lineup. It's rule one of roadside beet sales/assembling a lineup.

    PS: You know what Yuni's first month feels like? When you move to a new apartment and crank up your computer to find there's free, unprotected internet. Just a nice, pleasant surprise. And everytime you use it, or in this case watch Yuni have a 3 RBI night, you feel like you're getting away with something. 

    Double PS: Clark summing up how I feel everytime Yuni goes yard.

     

  • PHOTO: Tampa Bay Rays reporter almost gets clocked by a baseball while taking a 'selfie.'

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Alright so this is Tampa Bay Ray reporter, Kelly Nash, taking what the kids call a 'selfie' on the Green Monster at Fenway before a game recently. Obviously must have been during batting practice because a ball flies into the frame just as she snaps the picture. One in a million picture right? Well to say the story doesn't end there is an understatement. So to take from our man Paul Harvey; here's the rest of the story.l Kelly tweeted the above photo and then tweeted ANOTHER photo claiming that it was her 'Angel In the Outfield' that saved her from getting hit by this thing. In that tweet, she tags this picture:

    Now let me ask you what shocks you more about this sequence of events. The random chance that a person taking a photo snaps a picture at the millisecond that a random ball is flying into the scene or the chance that any person on Earth, let alone a smokebomb blond, has a DVD copy of Angels in the Outfield ON HER PERSON. I think it's got to be Angels in the Outfield right? Either way if this girl is going to baseball games and carrying around of the the most underrated baseball movies of all time then I think I'm in love. Hey Kelly! Holler at me! I have many leatherbound (Goosebumps) books and my apartment (parent's house) smells of rich mahogany (Pledge).

    PS: 'Selfie' and 'Paul Harvey' in the same blog. I'll give you one guess as to which one I had to look up to see what it meant.

  • Ted Thompson extends the contracts of two cornerstones before going to work on the draft.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Well if this isn't playing on a loop when Ted Thompson walks into his office at Lambeau Field this morning it is a damn shame. Hell they should roll out the Iron Throne from Game of Thrones for him to sit at for the next week. I mean for all the doubting that was going on when they passed on Steven Jackson and Greg Jennings bolted for Minnesota you'd have thought we didn't have the best drafting GM in the game. There's a reason little kids in Green Bay (or adult man-children with Packer footie PJs) say an Our Father, a Hail Mary, and an In Ted We Trust before they hit the sheets every night. In the last two weeks he's extended two cornerstones of the franchise in Matthews and Rodgers and he went out and filled a TON of needs in draft. We needed size on the offensive line, we got it. We needed athleticism on the defensive front 7, we got it. We wanted a feature back, we got one, AND we got a great 3rd down back who was, oh no big deal, fifth ALL TIME in the Pac-12 in rushing yards.

    Now I know when it comes to the post draft after-glow a lot of things are rosy. It's like a great first date. Everything seems awesome but as time wears on it turns out that 'blogging' isn't a 'career' and Boy Meets World and Seinfeld DVD's aren't 'culture.' It takes at least one season and more like three to properly grade what happened this past weekend. But if even 60% of this draft turns out then it was the Catalina Wine Mixer of drafts. Now with that said, would it be nice if we mixed it up in the free agent market a little more? No doubt. But there's a reason teams like Seattle and San Francisco have been more active than us, they aren't paying a QB 22 million a year. Not that Rodgers isn't worth it, he is, but when you're paying a guy like Kaepernick or Russel Wilson, in the high 6 figures, low 7 figures, it frees up a ton of capital to spend on other players. They'll be in the same positon we are in 2-3 years when they have to extend all those young players. Bottom line is, free agents aside, solid drafts are what build contenders and great drafts are what build dynasties*. This looks like a solid draft at minimum and a great draft at best.

    *First sentence I've been proud of writing in 4 years of blogging.**

    **40% chance I stole that from Money Ball.

  • Adam Schefter's sinking chair during last night's coverage was high internet comedy.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    I have no reasonable explanation as to why I think this video is funny but I've watched it about 71 times and laugh every single time. Maybe it's watching his head slowly creep down, maybe it's his trying to lift it back up and not skipping a beat. Or maybe it's because I have sort of an irrational dislike of Adam Schefter. No clue why but ever since he showed up on ESPN I've flat out hated him. And the thing is, it sounds like he's a great dude. Family man, donates to charity, practically raised Berman's kids according to an internet rumor that I just started. Solid guy all the way around. But he's basically Voldemort in my mind. Something about the fake book case and wedding picture behind him every time he gets on TV, or the Blackberry that he has sitting in front of him on every studio appearance which probably just has Candy Crush on it. I just can't explain it. But if anyone out there hates a perfectly good dude for no reason, this 19 seconds will warm your heart. #teamglazer

    PS: Oh and I flat out LOVE the pick by the Packers last night. I've spent the better part of my morning watching highlight films of Datone on youtube and he looks like a freak. Granted on those videos they're probably not going to show the time he got pancaked by a left tackle, highlight videos tend to approach a prospect the way Chinese media approaches Communisim, but still pretty encouraging stuff. And I know the popular internet cry was for Lacy but again, we have SO much offense. If you watched even one second of that Niner playoff game and think we needed to pick anything other than defense you're Gary Busey crazy. Lacy is the sexier pick no doubt, but we have glaring deficiences on defense. Plus I sort of believe that Ball will be around for us tonight.

    Double PS: Also I'm pretty sure I wrote the exact same 'PS' last year except with Nick Perry's name. And that turned out great right! Right? Right.

    Triple PS: This sums up my view on Shefter perfectly.

  • NFL Draft is here! In a related story: FOOOTBALLLLLLL!

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    (I know everything there is to know about maple syrup, I love maple syrup, I take maple syrup and put a little in my hair when I've had a rough week. Whadya think holds it up slick?!)

    Who's ready to stare at The Hair for 3 hours tonight!! Honestly the great thing about Kiper is that you literally have no idea when this picture was taken. Guy's been doing draft coverage since 1982 and has looked exactly the same every single year he's done it. Dude just doesn't age. I have a working theory that he might be some kind of daywalker hybrid vampire but it's a little too much to get involved with in this blog. Let's just say with Wesley Snipes getting out of jail last week we'll see if Kipe is watching his back tonight out in public. Actually I think a sneaky great gameshow would be a 'guess the year' style game with Kiper pictures. Just flash a picture of Kiper on the screen and guess when it was taken. Winner to receive a lifetime supply of Aqua Net and gets to do analysis for round 7 on Saturday when the C team is on with Trey Wingo*, Darren Woodson and Doris Burke.

    Anyhow I was going to post a blog where we try to get into Ted Thompson's head and project what we do tonight but I realized that's flat out impossible and a waste of internet space. So I spent 169 words on Kiper's hair instead. Whether that's the best decision I've made or the worst is for time to decide but keep in mind I once spent a full page assembling who I would put on a fictional (for now) beard-task force so the WORST would be a stretch. Bottom line is you could go Zero Dark Thirty on Ted Thompson for a month and he wouldn't tell you what his draft board in the war room looks like. Maybe if Inception were a real thing we could slip McShay into the recessses of his brain but I'm 87% sure that concept was fictional. If it weren't though let's make sure we get the carpet right fellas.

    So instead of attempting to crack that nugget we'll just say that we have no clue what the move is tonight but the fact that we're talking football turns me on and if that's wrong I don't wanna be right. I think at present we're staring down the barrel of an 11-5/12-4 season given the schedule. We have a lot of talent but a lot of holes too, so basically anything is fair game. I know we're set at starting quarterback and punter and probably wide receiver, and bloggers, but beyond that we need help. Could certainly use offensive and defensive line help. Could probably take a safety at some point. I know people are clamoring for a running back like Lacy or Ball but I think we just have too many holes elsewhere. Like we've got the best QB in the league and a TON of wide receivers even without Greg Jennings. I still say just give Benson the minimum and move forward. Bottom line is I have no clue what Tedy Ballgame will do, but I know this, everytime I've said 'WHO?!' after a Ted Thompson pick it has worked out brilliantly. Nick Collins, James Jones, Desmond Bishop, and Jordy Nelson just to name a few. So the less I know about the Packer's draft, the better. Like birth, or how my hamburger was made, or politics.

  • Brewers keep rolling and I'm trying not to be a mush.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Preach Crash! Preach! I mean that's about it right now. Everyone needs to be doing the exact same things at the exact same times every single day until this streak comes to an end. I'm talking the same pairs of jeans or khaki's (or Forever Lazy's if you're a blogger), eat the same sandwich you had yesterday, watch the game in the same recliner/couch, take a Jimmy Duggan at the same time, everything. Like I haven't showered, shaved or changed clothes since April 14th*. The rules of a winning streak are rigid and unflinching folks.

    And if we're being honest (as a sidenote you know you lie a lot when you actually have to qualify the truth), I didn't see this coming. I know I was preaching patience at 2-8, it's only April, some Seinfeld reference blah blah blah. But a 2-8 start is no joke. Like that's a TERRIBLE start. And in a week and a half they're out of it. All of a sudden our starter's are throwing quality starts out there everytime out. I don't think our bullpen has given up a run in like 20 innings after pitching BP for the first week of the season. Segura is a revelation, Gomez is an early contender for an all star spot, and Yuni B turned into Roy Hobbs. And you can't discredit Roenicke either. For everyone that wanted him fired after 10 games, he's pushed (most) of the right buttons for the last 10 days. Every lineup change, every bullpen move, it's all gold right now. He's like Walter White rockin' the Blue for the time being. We can only hope Gus doesn't show up up and kill Rick Kranitz when we inevitably lose a game.

    *24% chance that would have happened anyway. (42%)

    PS: Last time the Crew won 10 in a row? 2003. Scope the names of some of the winning pitchers during that stretch: Mike Dejean, Dan Kolb, Leo Estrella, Matt Kinney, Wayne Franklin and Valerio de los Santos. Yikes. I mean talk about an island of misfit toys. I'll never forget that run though because I had just moved up to Point for my sophomore year and I had to be housed in a temporary dorm for that week and change. My roomate was a foreign exchange student from Pakistan named Rashpaul (Ras..Rashma....Rash not gonna work here anymore anyway). Had never seen a baseball game or been to America in his life. So what did we do? Well first we went to the liquor store because he was 22 and I was 19. Loaded up on some malt liquor and pizza and watched baseball for 10 straight days. I basically read him the Declaration of Independence.

  • Wisconsin in search of a law to make it agains the law for employers to ask for social media access.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    MADISON — A Wisconsin state lawmaker is pushing legislation that would prevent employers from requiring employees or job applicants to provide access to their personal social media accounts.

    The proposal, introduced by freshman Rep. Melissa Sargent, D-Madison, has quickly gained bipartisan support in the Legislature. Rep. Garey Bies, a Republican from Sister Bay who’s co-sponsoring the bill, said social media access should be protected and people shouldn’t be expected to give it to employers or potential employers.

     

    Now in the interest of full disclosure, this is the first two paragraphs of a very long article that details governmental procedure, politics, law making, etc. I tried reading it all and only got understood about 27% of it. Not that not understanding something has stopped us from having an opinion before, but now you know. I need like a Rosetta Stone: Politics or something. You're out of your element Jon!

    Now I guess what I'm hung up on here is that prospective employers are asking for social media passwords. Ummmmm what? Like that's really happening? Next thing you know they're going to want an honest resume! But seriously, if I'm being honest, if a interviewer, we'll say her name is Ms. Lady, asked me for a Facebook or Twitter password I'm pretty sure I'd laugh in her face. Because forget about not getting the job, I'm 50% sure I'd be in jail if I just gave a random stranger access to what I've been doing on social media. Just a protip for the kids entering the workforce out there, this generation's 'don't talk to strangers' is 'don't give your social media password to ANYONE.' The mooooorreeee you knowwwwwwww.

    With all that said, make damn sure you only are giving the general public access to things you WANT them to see on your FB page. Because while I'm never going to ask you for your password, you better believe I'm Facebook searching you when I get your resume. Just to kind of get a feel for who you are as a person. Are you normal, what do you do in your free time, what kind of music are you into, are you hot (jk/butseriously), you know, general things you want to know before you interview someone. So if you don't want your pictures of you binge drinking in college determining your professional future, make sure you either delete them or restrict access. Unless you want to be a degenerate blogger/DJ. Then those pictures actually help you.