Sports & More Strange Brew Sports & More Strange Brew

  • This kid is NOT pleased with The Rock winning the title last night. The Rock is back?

    Posted by Jon Henseler

     

    In a related story The Rock is back in wrestling? Like when I saw this video going viral today it just said 'kid not happy rock is champion' I legit thought I was going to open a video from 1998 with Lawler screaming 'puppies!' in the background. Nope. The Rock is apparently wrestling again and won the strap last night for the first time in a decade.

    Now on to the video itself. Clearly this kid is getting roasted on the internet but you won't hear a peep from me. This is legit how I reacted after Wrestlemania 6 when Ultimate Warrior beat Hulk Hogan. I'll never forget that day for as long as I live. My dad used to have a guy that worked for him that would get all the PPV's back then and record them for me so I'd watch them on Monday's after school. And this was back when getting a PPV was like launching a NASA space shuttle. You had to call 9 different people, configure antenna's, get a signed affidavit from the president, the whole works. But the day after a PPV there was Dad picking me up from school with VHS in hand. Now I also had a friend in elementary school at the time, Kyle, who was a HUGE Ultimate Warrior fan. We were talking trash all week leading up to that match and I just figured there was no way Hogan would lose at Wrestlemania. So when I watched Warrior pin Hogan I lost it too. Knocked over a stack of VHS tapes and started snorting Warheads. And not just regular War Heads. Extreme sour Warheads. Dark times for a 7 year old. Still one of the top 5 worst days of my life. I guess you could call that a first world problem but there's probably a kid in Haiti somewhere in the middle of a 18 hour shift that would agree with me. So while the rest of the world is telling this bro to relax, I, for one, feel his pain. Get out of his face Bridgett!

    PS: More shocking portion of this video, the fact that a grown man got this upset over wrestling or the fact that this guy either married/has a girlfriend/kidnapped a girl?

    Double PS: He's spot on with his last point.

  • Bat at the Marquette game takes over the internet over the weekend.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    So in case you missed in on Saturday a bat made an appearance during the Marquette/Providence game and took over the internet. Such a power bat move. Dude got a Twitter account and everything! Hell he has more readers than me and he's only been an internet sensation for 72 hours. And not only did he stop play in the second half, he cancelled any other highlights from this game! I was working on Saturday when this went down so when I got up on Sunday I did what I always do; grab a cup of coffee, patiently wait for science to take it's course, and then hit the bathroom with my netbook to watch highlights from the day before. So I click on the Marquette/Providence recap and expect to see highlights of the game and find out how Marquette ran their conference record to 5-1. Nope! Straight up 1:22 of a bat dive bombing players. No mention of the score, no mention of what happened. Bat FTW. Somewhere Michael Keaton laughs diabolically.

    PS: Over/Under on the amount of college kids dressed as Batman at the South Florida game at the Bradley Center tonight is set at 31.

    Double PS: This picture of the Providence head coach is flat out hilarious. I know I shouldn't cast a stone in his direction because I'd probably do the same thing but there's just no way you can get the respect of your players again after this can you? Clean it up Providence coach. Act like you've been dive bombed by a bat at a division 1 colllege game before.

    Triple PS: Where was Dwight when you needed him?

  • One picture sums up why nobody cares about the Pro Bowl

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Gee I wonder why the Pro Bowl gets the Rodney Dangerfield treatment? You've got defenses playing two hand touch, tight ends catching 80 yard bombs and Jeff Saturday turning heel mid game to share one last moment with Peyton Manning. Alright admittedly that last part was kind of a cool moment. Classy move by all involved considering it was Jeff Saturday's last game as a pro.*

    So now the question becomes whether or not Goodell will cancel the Pro Bowl after yesterday. I'll tell you one group of people that will be voting a hard 'no' and thats degenearte gamblers. 80 total points! Bwhahaha! Bet the over folks! Pretty sure I've hammered the over on every Pro Bowl for the last 5 seasons and made bank. Thanks to this exhibition I only make 11 mortgage payments a year. So as far as I'm concerned they can play this thing twice a season.  The only thing better than money earned is money won kids! U-S-A! U-S-A!

    *In case you missed that he announced his retirement on Saturday (no pun intended/intended). I kinda had to laugh at that considering he was benched before the end of the season. Kind of like when I inevitably get fired announcing my 'retirement' from Strange Brew 4 weeks later but whatever, seemed like a certified pro and classy guy the entire time he was here.

    PS: In all seriousness it's a mortal lock that 90% of whatever audience the Pro Bowl pulled in had money on the game. I'd bet you anything. Seriously you want to bet? Anyone? Cause I'll lay it down.

    Double PS: This blog is a call for help.

  • Tony Plush hits Japan!

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    (66 days folks, if this doesn't give you chills/an optical illusion on your pants, then nothing will......it's the pleats)

    Welp folks, I don't know how it will happen or how much it will cost but I absolutely have to find out how to get access to Yokohama BayStars games next year. All I can picture is an Asian Telly Hughes interviewing Tony Plush at the end of every game. Can you say youtube gold? Like Nyjer interviews were already liquid gold with people who speak English, I can't imagine how Japanese media is going to react to 'AHHHHHH GOTTA GO!' at the end of every interview. Honestly it's a shame there isn't a reality show chronicling his time over there. Wake up FSN! Stop airing World Poker Tour like it's 2003! Give me Tony Plush Takes Japan!

    PS: So it would be 'AHHHHHH SINAYARA!'? Or cowabunga maybe? I dunno. 90% of my knowledge of Japanese culture comes from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

    Double PS: On a serious note, that NLDS Game 5 was one of the best moments of my baseball life. Granted as a Brewer fan it's not hard to vault to the top. Basically competing only with Braun's homer in '08 against the Cubs and tuning in to find out of Jose Hernandez would break the strikeout record in 2002. But it was just the type of edge of your seat, living and dying with every pitch, finger on your Life Alert type of game you live to watching the postseason. Sure I looked like the Crypt Keeper by the end of it but it was worth it. So even though he flamed out faster than soccer in America after a World Cup, he still has one of the biggest hits in Brewer history.

  • Bucks extend Hammond till 2016.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    God Bless the internet. Here I was set to write a blog about John Hammond getting his contract extended. So naturally I close out my daily morning google image search of Kelly Kapowski and type in John Hammond. And who pops up? The old dude from Jurassic Park! I mean I was sort of on board with the extension anyway, but now that I know he knows how to synthesize DNA and create a dinosaur park I'm all in! Just as long as he doesn't hire Newman as his talent scout I think we should be okay.

    Anyway the Bucks are doing their best to navigate us through 'The Nothing' until opening day by playing kind of decent basketball, firing coaches and extending GM's. Just give me one semi-relevant story a day for the next 67 days Bucks, that's all I ask. And in terms of the signing, I think it's a smart move. Maybe not for John Hammond? I mean yeah he gets some financial security, but at what cost? Staying with the Bucks for three more years? If I were him I'd be slowly tunneling my way out of my office like Andy Dufrense every day. And I'm a Bucks FAN.

    But the bottom line is the guy was the Exec of the year in '09-2010. He turned the franchise around(ish) after the Larry Harris era which is the equivalent of turning a Hoarder house into a Cribs house in one year flat. He's had some bad draft picks (see Alexander, Joe and Harris, Tobias) but he's also hit on Brandon Jennings, Mbah a Moute, Larry Sanders and it looks like John Henson too. All of our teams best players are under 26 years old so if everyone improves a little each year, and with a trade or a free agent signing sprinkled it, we may be able to consistently win 43 games a year and get eliminated in the first round! The Milwaukee Bucks: Where modest expectations and slightly above mediocre success yields million dollar extensions happens.

    PS: The fact that the real John Hammond doesn't become the GM of the Toronto Raptors and hires Richard Attenborough to play the fictional John Hammond as a figure head is a flat out shame.

    Double PS: What?

  • Deadspin posts cover letters for Badger Football coach position. Predictably hilarious.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    If you need a good laugh today hit up Deadspin and look at the list of applicants and cover letters for the Wisconsin coaching vacancy. Flat out hilarious. The scene stealer though wsa without question my man Brian D:

     

    Brian D
    Career job title: "Financial Analyst"
    Current salary: "$48,000/yr"
    Desired salary: "$50,000/yr"

    I have no football coaching experience at any level. It would be a huge mistake to hire me for this position.

    Thank you for your consideration.

     

    Power move of the century right there Brian D! I mean if I'm Barry Alveraz I give this guy an interview sight unseen. Guy's looking for a modest raise which means you can get him on the cheap by Division 1 football standards and has the guts to tell you he doesn't  have a single qualification for the job he's applying for. This has George Costanza 'if every instinct you have is wrong, the opposite must be right' written all over it! At the very least they should give this guy some throwaway job like offensive coordinator or something. Can't imagine Matt America's Hat's qualifications were any better anyway.

    PS: We had a guy recently fill out an online questionnaire for our company while he was applying for a job. When it asked for him to 'list a great achievement' of his life he chronicled his childhood quest of getting the high score on the Burger Time arcade game. When asked to assign a number to his motivation with 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest he put 1. Hire this man!

    Double PS: 'If you need a good laugh head over to Deadpsin.' Real smart Jon, real smart:

    http://deadspin.com/5978297/i-do-not-fit-the-mold-you-would-expect-meet-the-pharmacist-the-fedex-courier-and-other-dreamers-who-applied-to-coach-wisconsin-football

  • Kate Upton and Mercedes troll the entire internet with this Super Bowl Ad Tease

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Mercedes Benz: 1 Strange Brew: 0. Look I could go on and on here about how 'Mercedes, I think you're doing it wrong' or 'yeah let's have Kate Upton in a car wash commercial completely clothed watching dudes wash a car, makes sense' or any of those angles. But the bottom line is you've just got to tip your cap to Mercedes as they struck out the internet looking yesterday. Like I saw the headline 'Kate Upton Car Wash Mercedes Super Bowl Ad Teaser' and I clicked on it with about as much regard as I had for 'Are you 18?' disclaimers when I was 14. Literally could have been anything. Hell one of these puppies could have popped up and I still would have forged ahead:

    But then as soon as the video started and I saw Kate in a black tank top I knew I'd been duped. It's like a hitter in baseball who expected fastball, saw curve and was walking to the dugout before the ump even rung him up. Mercedes knows I can't hit the curve/not watch a Kate Upton video and they exploited it. Had the whole internet blogging community posting the video and complaining about it until it went viral. Classic misdirection.

    PS: Still the sexiest Super Bowl ad in my opinion was the Cindy Crawford Pepsi machine:

     

    Honestly I'm not sure how Pepsi even has an advertising department after this aired. This should be the only commercial they air for as long as they're a brand. Not to mention, as an 8 year old kid this commercial was a defining moment in my history where I realized I like girls. Unless you're name is Ryan Braun. Or Aaron Rodgers. Or Tom Selleck. But that's it.

  • Guy sells naming rights for his last name, so meet Mr. Headsets.com

    Posted by Jon Henseler

     CNN: When his mother announced she was getting divorced, Florida man Jason Sadler decided that if the family name was going to change, he may as well make a little money off of it. Sadler, of Jacksonville, has sold the rights to his last name for all of 2013 and if the courts approve he’ll soon be known as Jason Headsets.com Sadler sold his surname on his website, buymylastname.com. The winning bid of $45,000 came on December 13. He plans to reinvest the bulk of the cash into ‘fun marketing things’ and ‘give 10 per cent to charity.’ ‘I just saw an opportunity — my mom is going through a divorce and I don’t need this last name anymore,’ Jason Sadler, 30, told CNN. ‘I thought ‘How am I going to find a new last name?’ well ‘Why not just sell it?’ Before his name is legally changed, Sadler must submit fingerprints for a state and national criminal check, pay associated costs for processing, and attend a court date to consider the request and earn a judge’s approval. Once 2013 comes to an end, Sadler is undecided what name he’ll go by.

     

    There was a great philosopher of the 1980's that said the following: 'Everybody's got a price, everybody's gonna pay HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.' Socrates. Plato. Ted Dibiase. Well I that logic applies pretty perfectly to my man Jason Headsets.com here don't you think? I mean I was all set to make fun of this guy until I saw what he made. 45K! Legit two years of blogger salary just to change your last name for a year? Sign me up! I mean how often do you use your last name once you're out of school anyway? Dinner reservations maybe? Tax forms? I mean it's not like this guy is filling out a Scantron on a daily basis. The only other situation I can think of is writing a check but I'm pretty certain I've written out maybe 4 checks* since 2002. Not to mention my parents have been asking me repeatedly to stop using my last name on the air and on this blog anyway so win-win for everyone. So with that said I hereby officially am offering up my naming rights for the rest of 2013. Bidding starts at $50 but I'm willing to be 'Jon $5 Foot Long' for the low low price of a $5 dollar foot long.

    *Is there anything more infuriating than being behind someone at a check-out that still writes out checks? Gotta fill in like 4 lines, get out the driver's license to verifty ID, the whole process takes like 2 extra minutes. I'm not saying you're a jerk if you write out a check but at the same time you kind of are.

    PS: Love when they asked him what using the money for; he's going to reinvest most of it into fun marketing things and give 10 percent to charity. Fun marketing things=new flat screen and take out every night and charity=human fund.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Deadspin reporter clears up the whole Manti Te'o thing

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Welp that makes things a lot clearer. I mean for 5 days there nobody could make heads or tails of this whole conspiracy but here comes Deadpsin to the rescue again! 

    Honestly has anybody needed to pull a Costanza more than Deadspin and get out on a high note with the Te'o story? Like, guys, you broke the biggest sports story of the year. Literally millions of people flooded your site when this news came out last week. Just sit back and laugh like Ted Dibiase as the hits come in. No need to get on the professional news circuit and throttle your credibility in 80 seconds flat. Based on the facts this guy presented I think Te'o probably was the victim of a hoax. No need to hit up Oprah Manti! This guy just gave you all the credibility you need.

    PS: The 'I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul' line from Billy Madison comes to mind here but the whole scenario reminds me of this Tommy Boy scene, that's when I blow it!:

    Double PS: If you just read the blog and don't listen to the morning show, that 1:22 from the Deadspin reporter should give you a pretty good idea of how I operate on the air.

  • Subway, home of the 5 dollar ALMOST footlong.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Yahoo!: 

    Subway customers are whipping out their measuring tapes after Internet postings that claim a short-shrifting of the worldwide chain's famous footlong sub, putting the Milford, Conn.-based company in the hot seat.

    The controversy began Tuesday in Australia, when a very precise customer, identified as Matt Corby of Perth, ordered a footlong sub and then pulled out a tape measure. Corby found the sub measured only 11 inches long and took his outrage to Facebook, where he posted a photo of his sub alongside the tape measure on the company's page with the caption, "subway pls respond."

    The page with Corby's photo appears to be no longer available on Facebook. Screengrabs taken of his image and reposted online show the photo quickly received more than 131,000 likes and thousands of comments.

     

    So this picture took the internet by storm yesterday. Some dude in Austrailia (we'll assume it's Crocodile Dundee because he is Austrailia) went to Subway and decided to measure the 5 dollar foot-long he purchased and found it came up an inch short. So he did what anyone who wants answers does, he posted the picture on Facebook. Which as a side note is my favorite part of this article. That his profile and the original picture are gone. I just picture some sort of Subway task force led by Jared taking this bro out. Like Seal Team 6 only instead of masterful tacticians it's composed of under-achieving NFL defensive linemen. But the point is that before this guy's facebook page went sheets, a million people copied the picture and it went viral.

    Now the reaction was 50/50 for the most part. Half of the people who commented were outraged, half of the people were telling the people who were outraged that there are 'bigger problems in the world than Subway subs being 11 inches.' And then you had the obligatory 5% of people who type 'who cares' into every Facebook update that appears on their Newsfeed. Well I'll tell you who cares, Strange Brew! We should all care about this. Because, yeah, there are bigger problems in the world, but this is where those larger problems come from. It starts with fake five dollar foot longs. Then before you know it you've got fake dead girlfriends. And while you're looking at that you've got a crippling national debt and a credit rating lower than Singapore's.

    PS: It's amazing I made it out of this blog without an immature joke.

    Double PS: I will say this though, Subway is still alright in my book. I, for one, will not take a shot at somebody for lying about inches. #glasshouses

    Triple: *Almost* made it.

    Quarduple PS: Maybe this particular sub was just in the pool?

     

  • 'The Swanson' bagel sandwich makes me almost want to visit Chicago. Almost.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    I don't know whether I want to eat this thing or date it. Just a beautiful piece of work here folks. 4 different types of meat (let's act like adults), two types of eggs, two cheeses on a bagel and a side of maple syrup dipping sauce. Seriously the only thing more American than this is if I posted a copy of the Declaration of Independence. Sadly though Nic Cage hasn't posted a picture of it from his house recently so we're SOL.

    My only regret here is that I didn't patent this thing when I was in college. Because make no mistake about it; I created this monstrosity long before this bagel shop in Chicago and way before Ron Swanson was even a thing. I remember at the Country Kitchen in Stevens Point they had an all you can eat breakfast buffet that started at 2am on Saturday nights. And it was right down the street from the bars. What a category 5 sh*show that place was at 2:30am. Just packed wall to wall with college kids drunk on skunky beer devouring everything in site. But basically I always got a bagel and then just piled everything else on top of it. Add a cinnamon roll to that list and I'm 70% sure I created this thing and then promptly forgot about it the next morning. #drunkworldproblems

    PS: People without mustaches shouldn't be allowed to order this.

  • Last Hostess Cupcake

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Welp yesterday Jess and I ate the last of our Hostess cupcakes we bought during the Hostess going out of business sale about a month ago. You could almost hear Taps playing in the background as I ate/made out with my cupcake. In all seriousness one of the sadder moments of my life realzing that there is a real shot that I never eat one of these things again. The creme filling, the frosting, the cake that's 60-70% real food or asbestos. Just delightful. It tasted like diabeetus and America.

    PS: I know all the rage when that story came out was that Twinkie's are going away but the Cupcakes are the real story here right? Like the cupcakes aren't just a little better than Twinkies, it's a flat out rout. I get that Twinkies get all the headlines but the cupcakes are what powered the brand. It's sort of like a minor league pitcher. If you can throw 95 mph heat that's fine, but the changeup is what pays the bills. Bottom line is if someone holds out a Twinkie and a Cupcake and gives you the option to eat one for the rest of your life, if you choose Twinkie you need to be arrested on the spot.

    Double PS: Hoepfully Tallahassee doesn't read this blog.