Sports & More Strange Brew Sports & More Strange Brew

  • Fox News anchor deflects a double kiss from two bystanders during live newscast.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    I'll tell you what this guy can report the news for me any day. In the middle of doing a live shot and talking about the hottest subject in America when two broads come sauntering in looking to start a scene from Wild Things*, and this guy deflects them both with ruthless precision. And he even drops a 'please don't do that'! Cold, calculated, polite. I guess in the world of news reporting you really do have to keep your head on a swivel. Whether it's a kamikaze double kiss during a live shot or a trident being thrown in the middle of a vicious cock fight. Gospel according to Burgundy.

    *Terrible script, awful acting, deplorable plot. Still top 5 movies I've ever seen. If you were between the ages of 11 and 17 when it came out it was VITALLY important to your adolescence. Matt Dillon should send a thank you check to his agent every week as far as I'm concerned.

    PS: ONLY thing that could have made this better is if he gave them the Mutombo finger wag after he denied them.

     

  • Philly morning crew busts up after they try to interview Ryan Lochte.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Saw this video going viral over the weekend. So naturally I waited 48 hours until it wasn't relevant anymore to blog it! Strange Brew: The Pony Express of the modern news age.

    Anyhow I don't know if anyone watched Ryan Lochte's new 'reality' show last night but I can't decide whether he's the smartest man in the room or the stupidest. Like there's no way someone can come off as that dumb and be as successful as him right? I mean the guy makes Keeping Up With the Kardashians look like it belong in the Library of Congress. I almost feel like he's got to just be acting that way to get publicity and blog hits? Has to be it. Because for as moronic as he seems, I can't stop watching him. It's like that line in Seinfeld when the old couple is buying the Kramer. 'He's a loathsome, offensive brute, yet I can't look away.'

    PS: I got it! You know why I find him somewhat compelling? He's a real life Derek Zoolander. You know, minus the witty dialog and meta humor.

  • North Dakota news anchor's first day does NOT go well.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    (earmuffs!)

    You know who I'm happy for? The NEXT weekend news anchor at NBC Channel 5 in North Dakota. Like just don't say 'F$#%ING S%%T' on the air in your first 11 seconds on the job and you're already ahead of the game. And fear not AJ Clemente! You may not still be employed at NBC 5 but you're about to be internet famous until at least Wednesday. If you're lucky you might even get a Tosh.O web redemption. Best bet is to just follow the Brian 'Boom Goes the Dynamite' Collins guide to making lemons into viral video lemonade. But no matter what you do, just soak in the internet fame until you're back in you, you know, being in the East Coast.

    PS: You know who AJ should have blamed in the meeting with his news director after this? Schwartz. Whaaaaaat? Whhhaaaaaat?! Whhhhhaaaaaaaaaaatttttt?!

    Double PS: This may come off as mildly racist but what are the odds on a female Asian reporter throwing it to a black weather man on a North Dakota news station? Million to one?

  • Bucks Playoff Fever is here!

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Couldn't decide which video I thought worked best as a metaphor for the Bucks pending matchup with the Heat so I went with both. In any case who's excited for Bucks playoff basketball this weekend! I guess at the end of the day I'll be watching Bucks basketball in late April so that makes the season successful in most Buck's fans eyes. I mean for me, Bucks season essentially runs from roughly February 5th-April 1st. Like can you keep me entertained from the end of the Super Bowl until Opening Day. So I suppose in that regard the 2012-13 campaign was good-ish. It's just depressing to think that this team used to mean something more to the city. I can remember in 2000 and 2001 going to a JAM packed Bradley Center to watch playoff games. Hell they actually blocked off 4th street for a party and live music before games. People were rocking their Grimace line Bucks swag loud and proud! Then in a closed room somewhere the brain trust thought it would be well advised to trade a player who could have been our cornerstone for a decade (Ray Allen) for a player who looked about as happy to be in Milwaukee as those guys on To Catch a Predator look when they hear 'Hi I'm Chris Hanson with Dateline NBC.' Thus endeth the franchise for the last 12 years.

    And the really disappointing thing with this team is that it's basically going to get scrapped next year. Like I can recall in 1998 or 1999 when we were an #8 seed getting swept by the Pacers but it was different because it felt like a step in the right direction. We were a young team with a young core that was learning to win and getting better every year. This is an #8 seed that actively tried to be better. Like remember when the Brewers were 'all in' in 2011 and made a run to the NLCS? That's this team. This is an 'all in' team that went 38-44. Ellis, Jennings and Redick will probably all be gone next season. And honestly that's fine but I feel like we wasted a season in the rebuilding process. This team needs Henson and Sanders and that's it. Just burn it down and try to build over 2-3 years in the high lottery. Until that happens I'm as likely to see a parade of unicorns down 4th street as I am of seeing a Bucks championship parade.

    PS: Brandon Jennings last night at the Wisconsin Sports Awards: 'Bucks over Miami in 6.' Good grief Brandon. Basically our only hope of stealing a win was to hope that Miami was overlooking us. This is not the time to channel your inner Cobra Kai.

    Double PS: Bucks are friekin' 4000:1 to win the title. 4,000:1! If you don't think I'm putting $100 on that you're insane. Sure I'm basically donating to the Human Fund instead of saving for any hope of a retirement. But retirement money sounds like 65 year old Jon's problem. 28 year old Jon says let it ride!

  • Clay Matthews becomes highest paid player in Packer history

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    (just a real hot pic)

    How about it folks! Been a while since I've gotten my Bob Ross on with Microsoft Paint. That used to be the calling card of this blog. That and we used to delve into actual topics that both were both interesting and thought provoking. But that was before I stopped caring about my internet space. I'm not sure when it happened really. A strong case could probably be made for 2009. But at some point I think I hit 'blogger tenure' and started to mail it in. That's a thing right? 40% sure it is.

    Anyhow in case you missed it Phase 1 of the Packer offseason plan went through yesterday by making Clay Matthews the highest paid linebacker in the league and the highest paid player (per year) in the history of the Packers. Which he should enjoy for the next week or so until Aaron Rodgers pulls a Zuckerberg to his Tom and laps him. Either way though, this was a move that had to be made. No matter what your opinion is of the defense overall, it's exponentially worse without Clay Matthews. He's a aggressive, talented, instinctual, makes women swoon and men question their live choices. In other words: he's a franchise player and he got Teddy KGB-ed appropriately.

    PS: Signs you're detached from reality: The rest of the internet is going George Orwell/CSI on every photo of the Boston Marathon to bring whomever the perpetrator is to justice. I'm creating a crude money bag for Clay Matthews to hold in Microsoft Paint. Wake up Jon.

    Double PS: That moment when a fellow co-worker walks into the studio and sees a giant picture of a shirtless Clay Matthews on your computer screen and you're drawing on it. 

  • Blake Lalli delivers a walk off for the Crew that propels them to their first winning streak of 2013

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Well folks it took 18 days but we finally get to dust off our first Lou Brown of the year! And not a moment too soon for this degenerate. A 2-8 start is bad enough, but when your 401K is really an offshore betting account as opposed to a mutual fund, things tend to escalate quickly in your mind. Like that 79.5 win total was starting to feel as comfortable as the morning after a night of malt liquor mixed with 4th meal. But a come from behind win in St. Louis and a couple of wins against the defending champs has Brewer Nation feeling a bit better here on a Thursday morning.

    And how about the new cult hero; Yuni B! Honestly after we wrote the blog saying that he was back I expected that to be the last time I ever typed a sentenced that involved 'Yuni B' unless that sentence started with 'Well at least he's not as bad as.' But here we are folks. Guy hit a huge double to tie the game on Sunday, hammered a grand slam on Tuesday, and hit another home run and had 2 RBI overall last night. To quote from one of the great philosophers of our time, Stone Cold Steve Austin: What? ....What?......What? I mean to say he's overachieved would be an understatment. Like if we got 2 home runs and 8 RBI for his FINAL season stats I would have been satisfied. But he's honestly been one of our more consistent threats in an injury plagued season. That plus his at bat music is Good Vibrations! Mark Mark+clutch hitting=instant fan favorite. It's like the Pythagorean Theorem for a baseball player going from Stephen Glansburg to Zack Morris in terms of fan support*.

    *That sentence either made perfect sense or I have early onset dementia.

    PS: Favorite part of being at the game last night was the fact that people were still trying to tailgate in rain, wind and 40 degrees. People sipping ice cold beer and getting whipped in the face with rain and looking overall miserable. Kind of reminded me of Clark Griswold and his meltdown on the way to Wally World. We're on a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun.

    (earmuffs)

     

  • RIP Pat Summerall

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Before we give the Strange Brew eulogy to Pat Summerall, let me just say that whoever SONICATTACK2013 is, is about to get more people fired than The Bobs. I mean I was just minding my own business this morning trying to find some audio of Pat Summerall calling a Packer game when I slipped down the rabbitt hole of related videos on Youtube. So I stumble upon this one titled, Super Bowl 31, thinking there might be a few clips. Nope! It's the whole damn game. So needless to say it was a quiet morning show on B93 today. Just started watching for the Rison highlight and before I knew it I blacked out like Frank the Tank and the show was over. And not only has he uploaded this Super Bowl, but it looks like at least 20 other Super Bowls in their entirety are on this account as well. So it looks like as soon as I'm done with this blog it's time to kick back at Strange Brew International HQ and tie up my parents dial up for 41 straight hours. Make all your phone calls now mom*! I don't want to be interrupted!

    Anyhow sad news about Pat Summerall yesterday. Truth be told I felt kind of bad when my first reaction was that I thought Pat Summerall died 4 years ago, and my next reaction was of shock that he was only 82. For whatever reason I thought Summerall was like 114 years old. But to say he was the voice of my youth would be an understatement. Guy had the smoothest delivery in the game and played the straight guy to John Madden's borderline psychotic ramblings with aplomb. Now I know a lot of people know him first for his broadcasts on CBS in the 80's but he will always be a Fox guy to me. Like when Summerall and Madden were on your team's broadcast it just felt special. Now we get Joe Buck and Troy Aikman. Downgrade city; Population: Humanity. But this was the guy that literally 4 decades of football watchers grew up on. When we went out to play football in the backyard after games we were Brett Favre passing and Sterling Sharpe catching, but we were also Pat Summerall calling the action. RIP to one of the greatest.

    *How terrible was dial up when someone picked up the phone while you were in the middle of doing something. Like you finally get a hot babe (read: likely 57 year old man) to respond to you a/s/l with an im and your mom picks up the phone and breaks the connection. 90's world problems.

    PS: Summerall was also iconic for my generation because he was the voice of Madden football for over a decade. Nothing and I mean NOTHING led to the 'accidental' unplug of your Genesis/SNES quicker than hearing a bone snap followed by the most terriying six words in video games 'Oh no, there's a man down.'

    Double PS: Mid 90's EA Sports games: Where even Rick Mirer and Dan Marino were black.

  • A much needed laugh from this bro at the Pirates game with a giant glove

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    I have no explanation for why I think this is dude at the Pirates game last night and his oversized baseball mit is hilarious, it just is.

    PS: Nope, now I know why. It's because it's an oversized glove. It's funny. Sure it is, it's funny because it's bigger than a normal glove.

  • PHOTO: Former Packer Joe Andruzzi helping victims of yesterday's bombing.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    One of the many lasting images from yesterday's tragedy was former Packer (and primarily Patriot) offiensive lineman, Joe Andruzzi, helping those affected by the bombs that went off at the finish line of the Boston Marathon. In grave situations like this it never ceases to amaze me the amount of people (most notably first responders and military) that run INTO situations like this and try to help people. They don't know if there's another bomb set to go off. They don't know if there's a gunman about to start firing. They literally risk everything, their lives, their life with their families, etc. to help people who they have never met and may never actually talk to again for the rest of their lives. It gives you hope that the world isn't just a cruel, hard place.

    Just overall a tough day for Boston and America. And for those that don't know, it was Patriot's Day in Boston yesterday. It's not a holiday we celebrate too much, if at all, in Wisconsin but for that area it's a big deal. The Red Sox play early, then the marathon, and typically a Celtic or Bruin game cap off the night. People generally have off of work and partake in one or all of those things. It's flat out heart wrenching that on a day like that, something like this strikes. Thoughts and prayers are definitely with those affected.

    PS: One thing that absolutely ENRAGES me is when things like this happen and people have to immediately politicize it, or start a conspiracy theory. Now I get that we all have to have open minds, even if a counter argument is far fetched. Those types of conversations are what this country was founded on. And freedom of speech should NEVER be trampled on. But if you can't have the respect to wait 48 damn hours before you bloviate about the government or a conspiracy then you are an ass and I mean that in every sense of the word. 3 people are dead. One of them was friekin' EIGHT years old. Dozens, if not hundreds of people were maimed or had their lives forever altered by losing arms, legs or fingers. You think you could give it a week or two before you hit the X Files theme? Thanks.

    Double PS: This is awesome: http://www.bostonmarathonconspiracy.com/

  • Yovani Gallardo pulled over for DUI last night. .22 BAC.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Sigh.....nothing quite tops off a 3-8 start and numerous injuries like your ace getting pulled over for DUI on I-94 blowing a .22. Look I get it Yovani, it hasn't been a great start to the season. You're 0-1 with an ERA over 6. Even if you could put together a decent start your bullpen is essentially trying to put out fires with gasoline. I'd probably take an off day and go Frank the Tank too. But I just don't get how you can make 45 million dollars and still try and drive yourself home. I get paid in meatballs and I still know when to get a cab. Now thankfully he didn't hurt anyone because then this situation becomes much, much worse (see Stallworth, Donte). But for the love of God the next time you kick back too many Tecate's call for a cab ride home. Or at the very least call Marcus Hanel. I'm sure he's not up to much on a Monday night. Hell that should just be apart of his job description; bullpen catcher/Official designated driver, Milwaukee Brewers Baseball Club. Have him drive around in one of those baseball cars like Jake Taylor in Major League.

    PS: Is there a better job in the world than bullpen catcher? I guess you could make an argument for 3rd string quarterback, but there's still the possibility there that you'd have real responsibility and become infamous because of it (Rubley, TJ). But bullpen catcher? You probably get paid low 6 figures, travel with the team, eat with the team, become buddies with all the players, get to tell all the stories that goes with playing with the ball club, and you never have to actually get in a game. Great gig or greatst gig?

    Double PS: Here's the mugshot, looks like a guy who didn't get his friekin' FRENCH TOAST!

     

  • A 3-8 record never felt so good.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Step back from the ledge Brewers fans! Remain calm! All is well!

    Alright I'm not sure how much you can gleen from that win yesterday other than the Brewers were desperate for it in the same way I'm desperate to mix in a run and a salad to my daily routine. Now, again, 3-8 isn't anything to go crazy about but here's an interesting little tidbit: The Brewers went through not one but TWO of these types of valleys during the 2011 season and they won 96 games that year. So I guess what we should take from this start is that it probably looks worse than it is because it's happening to start the season, and not in the middle of it as was the case in 2011. Optimisim? Maybe. Delusional? Surely. But the line between optimism and delusion is a fine one and we walk it like Johnny Cash here at Strange Brew. Plus the vaunted Angels with a lineup of Trout, Hamilton and Pujols are sitting at 4-8, so it is indeed, only April.

    That being said I think the goal has to be just to try and hover around .500 until June. Not exactly a William Wallace speech but the truth of the matter is that 2 of our 3 best offensive players, and some might argue 2 of our 3 best overall players, are on the shelf. Our lineup looks like Los Angeles at the beginning of Terminator 2. Martin Maldonado, Yuni B and Blake Lalli getting regular ABs is not a great look. In fact putting that lineup out there and expecting to score runs would be like taking an Italian from the old world out to Fazoli's for dinner and expecting not to be told to get your shinebox. So, again, just somehow don't tank between now and getting Hart and Ramirez back and we should have a fighting chance.

    PS: That 32 inning scoreless streak was brutal though. I guess if you've ever thought to yourself 'Self, I wonder what it was like to watch games in the dead ball era...' you got your 3 game snapshot. 

  • Guy catches home run ball in his beer, chugs beer, dominates life.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Power move city! I mean I was going to deduct points for the fact that he slobbed his beer all over himself like a 20 year old girl playing flip cup but I'm pretty sure the foul ball split the cup down the side so this about as good a chug as it was going to get. Only pity was that there wasn't a single girl near him to witness this. I mean I'm going to go ahead and guess it's a once in a lifetime moment to catch a ball at a professional baseball game in your beer and then chug it down like a boss. And for that to happen with nothing but your buddies, a retired couple, and a kid in a hoodie that looks like me 10 (5) years ago is a flat shame. I mean I was turned on by this and I can only assume that if a degenerate, borderline homeless 29 year old guy is turned on by it then a 25 year old smokeshow would be too right? Right.

    PS: Only thing that would have made this better is if he screamed "I AM ALL THAT IS MAN" Super Troopers style at the end of the chug. Sadly I couldn't find a decent version of the maple syrup chug, but this 19 second clip might be my favorite scene in movie history. Sit down Rando!