Sports & More Strange Brew Sports & More Strange Brew

  • Watch as former Brewer Zack Greinke gets into a scuffle and breaks his collarbone.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    So this is probably the biggest sports story of the day today. Greinke hits Quentin, Quentin charges mound, Greinke runs into him like he was about to enter the Gauntlet on American Gladiators, benches clear yada yada yada. The only problem is that for Dodger fans, that yada yada yada (but you yada yada-ed over the best part....I mentioned the bisque) is that Greinke shattered his left collarbone and is out indefinetly. Now everybody that wears Dodger blue is breathing fire on a bunch San Diegins....San Dieogoins.....San Diegons this morning. The best part is these two teams play again next week. Like how much is Carlos Quentin praying he is suspended for that series. Actually the best punishment might be just to force him to play every game of the that series. Set the over/under on the amount of times he take a 98 mph fastball to the ribs at 11 and call it a day.

    PS: I'd take Zack Greinke with a broken collarbone over 9 of our current 100% healthy pitchers.

    Double PS: My favorite part of these 'benches clearing' baseball brawls are the bullpens. Like who is in charge of them deciding to make the run from the bullpen? Is there a pre-determined bullpen William Wallace who determines if the fight is worth the time for them to run a 5K in from the pen and get involved? I remember one time I was at Miller Park and a fracas broke out and it took like a full minute before the bulllpen decided to get up, open the door and jog down there. Then by the the time they made it to the mound it was over and they had to walk all the way back. Hilarious.

  • Protip: Do NOT draw on this guy's face after he passes out.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    ARLINGTON, Va. –  Arlington County Police say a 31-year-old Arlington man has been arrested and charged with malicious wounding of his roommate after waking up to find male genitalia had been drawn on his face with permanent marker.Police say James Denham Watson assaulted his roommate Saturday morning, causing him to be taken to the hospital with extensive injuries to his face.

     

    First of all, this might be the funniest mug shot I've seen in a long time. The fact that we know he got angry enough about the drawings on his face that he assaulted his roomate and the faintness of the one still on his left cheek made me die.

    Now as for the story itself, I can't cast judgment on our man James Watson until I know one thing: did he have his shoes on when he passed out. If he did, then the roomate who got assaulted has a legit beef. Everyone knows that when you pass out with your shoes on you're fair game for permenant marker drawings on your face, getting antiqued with a bag of flour, etc etc. But he James here had his shoes OFF and his roomate still drew on his face? Then he deserved everything he got. Only an a$$hole would draw on his roomate's face if he had his shoes off. So as far as I'm concerned if the shoes were off then anything short of murder is fair game and murder is still up for debate. But since whoever wrote this article failed to find out the most critical piece of information in this story we'll never know. Big time fail on the part of My Fox DC. Would be like Tom Haudricourt writing a Brewer recap without mentioning the score.

    PS: I have to admit though, that I'm a bit torn on the whole 'pass out with your shoes on' thing at 31 years old though. 22 year old Jon would say that this is a rulel for life. 29 year old Jon is thinking at some point you should be able to pass out with your shoes on and not have the male anatomy drawn on your cheek.

    Double PS: I talked about this on the air this morning and got a text that asked 'what's the deal with passing out with your shoes on.' To which I said '.......' no clue. That's just what I was always told to avoid. So I did what any college educated blogger did; I googled 'why shouldn't you pass out with your shoes on' and it led be to an Urban Dictionary definition that essentially said that if you pass out with your shoes on it saying that the booze got the better of you. If you take them off you're actively aware that you're calling it a night. Fair enough. Cue the Kramer!

  • Meet Dennis Hope, the guy who is selling the moon for $24 an acre.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Well folks by 3pm today my email tag will read as such:

    Jon Henseler 

    International Blogging Sensation

    Owner/Operator Strange Brew LLC*

    Owner, Green Bay Packer Football Club

    Owner, The Moon

    'You Miss 100% of the Shots You Don't Take- Wayne Gretsky'- Michael Scott

    No big deal. Just about to have my own acre on the moon. And for only $24! I mean sure, on the surface it seems like I'm wasting $24 dollars but people said the same thing about Thomas Jefferson when he bought Louisiana for like 3 cents an acre. What are we going to do with all that land Thomas?! Who's going to govern it?! What about the Indian tribes down there? Blah blah friekin' blah. Now look at it. TJ didn't get wrapped up in details and now it's one of the great vacation spots in the world where beads and dignity get thrown out the window. Sure it's probably going to sink into the Gulf in 200 years but that sounds like 2213 America's problem not ours. The only question is now what do I do with my acre? Set up an intergalactic blogging station? Build a bunch of moon tree houses and set up a lunar Lost Boys? Timeshare?

    *If we're going to get technical here, Midwest Communications quote unquote 'owns' everything B93 related. Semanics really. Just remember kids, it's not your responsibility to be honest on your resume, it's your prospective employer's job to fact check.

    PS: Legit question, dumber to spend $24 on fake moon land or $250 on a piece of parchment paper telling me I own an NFL franchise. Dennis Hope and Curly Lambeau are not all that different.

    Double PS: Total sidenote: How depressing was it when Rufio of the Lost Boys died in Hook. Friekin' TRAUMATIZING. Not quite as bad as Mufasa in Lion King of Artax in Never Ending Story, but still, one fo the most horrifying moments of my life.

     

  • Possibly the worst strike call in the history of baseball.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Juuuuuuuust a bit outside! I mean I'm not prone to hyberpole here (read: very prone)(read: I'm not 100% on what hyperbole means) but that has to be top 5 worst calls in the history of baseball. Like the officials from the title game last night are laughing at this guy. The only explanation is that Frank Drebin here had money on the game. I didn't look at baseball lines last night but I can say with 150% certainty that the total runs on this game was 9.5 and he had the under. And if that's not the case then I don't know what his explanation is going to be when he has to explain this call to Bud Selig. Totally Schruted it.

     

    PS: Jim Joyce still the undisputed champ.

  • Peyton Siva thanks girlfriend and Jesus after yesterday's game, 3rd girlfriend not pleased.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    (didn't mean turn these pics into Watergate memos with the blacking out but there are children/my mom reading)

    Alright so one of the subplots following one of the greatest championship games in recent memory is that Peyton Siva is probably going to be the saddest national champion of all time this morning. As the story goes, Peyton thanked Jesus and his girlfriend during the CBS postgame. Well to say his 'mistress,' Jenna Shea, was not happy would be an understatment. She went on a Twitter rampage posting text exchanges between herself and Peyton, pics, messages, the whole deal. We're talking Joey Greco 'Cheaters' full nine yards here. I guess it's another lesson for the kids in the social media age; if you ever win a national title and they give you a live mic be sure to thank Jesus, your girlfriend, AND your sidepiece. A PSA for the future champions from Strange Brew.

    PS: You think guys like guys like Larry Johnson or Patrick Chewing or Christian Laettner sit back and laugh at things like this? Like no chance those guys weren't doing the same thing that Peyton Siva is doing (no pun intended/intended), but there was no Twitter or Facebook or Instagram to bust you out for it when you don't thank your 'girl on the side' after you win a national title. Like yeah they could SAY they hooked up with you, but without a text exchange or a Maury Povich DNA test how could they prove it. What a paradise that must have been. Like baeball before steroid testing.

    Double PS: Say what you will about Manti T'eo, but having to thank not one, but two REAL girlfriends is something he would not have had to worry about if ND had beaten Alabama.

    Triple PS: That game was one of the best in a long time last night but those officials were the definition of rookie ball. I've seen WWE officials have more control over lumberjack matches than those three did last night. Hell the replacement officials for the Seahawk/Packer game handled themselves better. Like the fact that Trey Burke didn't dole out Ric Flair-knife edge chop to someone after he got called for a foul on his block shows AMAZING restraint. Game change city:

  • Brewers, bizarro world team streak needs to go.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    (Nice audio sync here from Youtube user pablopatel, I forgot what it was like to watch internet videos in 1998. The topper would have been if I spent two hours downloading it on Kazaa.)

    27% chance that this was audio on a 3am call from Mark Attanasio to Ron Roenicke last night. I mean talk about a disastrous way to start a season. Not just to start 1-5, but to do it at home. And it's not like we were playing the '98 Yankees out there. The Rockies and the Diamondbacks are probably two middle of the pack teams in the NL West. This is the type of season where if you're playing it on a video game you 'accidently' unplug it mid game and start the franchise over. And you turn the injuries off. I mean what is it with Wisconsin sports teams? Seems like the Packers and the Brewers both get mauled by injuries every season. And of course it's not guys like Yuni B getting hurt, it's Braun, Ramirez, Hart and Segura. Then on top of it all you've got a thin bench that leads to Kyle Lohse taking hacks in the bottom of the 11th with runners on 1st and 3rd and two outs. I mean what was Rickie doing up there the at-bat before Lohse? Bro, you've got a runner on 3rd with less than two outs and you know a pitcher is hitting after you. If it's in the zone, get your Chuckie Carr on. Like he looked at 3 pitches in the zone with the game on the line. Friekin' Bernie Lomax would have swung in that situation.

    I guess though at the end of the day, as it always does, it comes down to pitching. Like no matter how enraged you were with Rickie at the end of the game, you still got 7 runs and 16 hits from a lineup that FEATURED Alex Gonzalez and Yuniesky Bentancourt. I got a text from a buddy of mine on Saturday that said 'with Alex Gonzalez batting clean up, are we officially a small ball team?" Pretty sure with Alex Gonzalez batting cleanup we're officially a 'bad' team for the time being. And don't even get me started on John Axford. No matter what you thought about him going out there for a 2nd inning, he has already given up 4 bombs and it should have been 6 after yesterday. Guy is fast tracking himself to Derrick Turnbow/Dan Kolb status. I realize we're only a week in but at this point if Axford is your closer you better sign Dikembe Mutombo to play center and swat out all the gopher balls.

    PS: With all that said, it's April. And while I'm not the most disciplined baseball fan in the world, I realize we have 157 games left. Hell the Brewers were 0-4 at the start of the 2011 season and they won 96 games that year.

    Double PS: How stupid are Brewers. Ryan Braun neck pain and it out two games? Just call Dr. Von Nostrand. He'll fix it in two seconds. Bingo bango you're back on the field. Just be sure to sleep on a wood board for at least a week.

  • Lions kicker Jason Hanson retires after 21 years with the Lions

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    (photo from 1993, or as we call it today, Instagram)

    Welp folks, a true kicking icon called it quits yesterday when Jason Hanson finally retired from the Detroit Lions. 21 friekin' years! Simply amazing. Like the same guy who kicked at Lambeau last season also kicked in the game at the SILVERDOME when Favre hit Sharpe in the back of the endzone to win a Wild Card game in 1994. That's unbelieveable. In fact, this not only ends an era in Lions kicking, it also ends an era in video games. Yup, our man Jason Hanson here was the last active player to be in the Tecmo Super Bowl video game. Think about that. There are players that were in that game that are dead (I say that with 0% research and 30% confidence) and Jason Hanson was still playing in the NFL.

    And think of all the things that have changed not just in football but in life overall. When Jason Hanson started kicking you actually had to do math to figure out the down and distance while watching on TV. John Madden was lucid. Fantasy football players actually had to wait for the paper to come the next day to know whether they won or lost their matchup. The internet was in the bronze (AOL) age where it was primarily about a/s/l-ing hot babes in chat rooms and people actually had respect(ish) for one another. We've also seen 4 president's, three wars and segreation finally end in Alabama (sure-ish on that last one).

    Actually come to think of it Jason Hanson has probably been the most consistent thing in my life. I started realizing what football was around 1992. And let's be honest, that's really when you start living. The stuff before that is eating mush and pooping your pants. Then there's hopefully 60 seasons of football before you're eating mush and pooping your pants again. But for as long as I can remember Hanson has been on the Lions. I've moved 9 times, had girlfriends come and go, graduated from every level of school, had hope and optimism, had hope and optimism dashed, developed a mild drinking problem, developed a major gambling problem and bought a house. And through it all, Jason Hanson has been there. So I don't care that he played for the Lions, cheers to Jason Hanson on a long career nailing field goals with great success on teams with almost no success.

  • NCAA showing utmost respect for Kevin Ware and his leg injury.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Just kidding they're using his injury to sell these 'inspirational' t-shirts at $25 a head. I mean at this point I think I've chronicled how much I hate the NCAA as an organization but I think I'm actually starting to like them. Just cashing in on amateur athletes like nobody's business and throwing up the scholarship shield like that makes it okay. Like while the rest of world was looking at Kevin Ware's leg bone (medical definition) poking through his skin, there was some NCAA troll working on ways to charge people $25 to show their 'support.' And how much of the proceeds to you think Kevin Ware wll see? Somewhere around -0%? The NCAA, promoting indentured servitude since 1939!

    PS: South Park summing up the problems with the NCAA in 15 seconds.

  • Video of Obama's missed layup is mystifying.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Saw this circulating the internet the other day. Absolutely stunning that Obama could miss a layup this badly. Like in terms of basketball skill, I rank somewhere between Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Along Came Polly and present day Whoppi Goldberg. But even I've never missed a layup this poorly. And I'm not looking to make this a political blog. Any blogger or member of the media knows to never show those cards. You immediately divide half your audience. And we've pretty much already abandoned Bears fans, Cubs fans, anyone who hasn't seen Seinfeld and women. So I've got to keep what I can get. All I'm saying is that this video needs to be destoyed like it's the Zapruder film before any of our enemies get ahold of it. In fact it's probably already been out there for too long as it is. Shocking that Putin didn't already ride into the White House shirtless on a unicorn and take over our country. Clean it up POTUS.

    PS: You know what the number 1 disappointment of my life is? I never dunked a basetball once on a regulation hoop. Like you're whole adolescent life you just believe that one day you'll be tall enough to go NBA Jam on a regulation hoop. You get to middle school still believing it, then maybe you can touch the net in high school, then you hit 18 and still can't, then you turn 25 and realize it may never happen, and now you're 29 with the vertical of the Kool Aid Man. Just heartbreaking. That and the fact that Jurassic Park never became a real thing.

  • Guy ducks home run ball, ball promptly smashes his girl in the face.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Okay so if you missed it here's a gif of the bro who jumped out of the way of a home run ball during the Diamonback/Cardinal game the other day and let his girl take a ball to the domepiece. Everyone on the internet talking trash about how 'chilvalry is dead' and 'what is this amateur hour' and 'this is going on Strange Brew for sure, doesn't that guy seem super funny and handsome? Like Louis CK mixed with David Hasselhoff' blah blah blah. But to quote the great Mike Tyson 'everyone's got a plan until they get punched in the mouth.' Preach Mike! Like yeah, it's easy to say you would have dove in front of your date/girlfriend if a baseball was coming at you, but unless you've actually had a baseball flying at your head at 80mph and done that then I don't want to hear it. And to be honest I've never had this happen (what going on a date Jon?! Grow up.) so I don't know what I would do. I'd like to think I'd dive in for the save like Goldberg in Mighty Ducks, but there's solid chance I pull a Costanza during a fire and bail to save myself. I am many things; a degnerate gambler, a writer with a borderline 4th grade grasp of grammar and syntax, and shame on my family name. But I'm not someone who lives in a glass house.

    In all honesty though, this relationship is over right? Like this isn't one she's going to be laughing of fin 10 years as a 'cute' story. And in the eyes of her mom and dad, you'll always be the guy who let their baby girl take a baseball to the cranium. But take a look at the close up:

    No beard and shops at Baby Gap. This might be the best thing to ever happen to this girl. Like God himself sent that ball from heaven to wake her up.

    PS: If the Jumbotron operator didn't cue this up after this then I've lost all faith in humanity:

  • Bubba Watson just reinventing the golf game with a golf cart hovercraft.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Welp folks this video is sort of bittersweet. On the one hand Bubba Watson has brought us closer to Marty McFly hoverboards than ever before with his Hover Golf Cart. On the other hand this has forever ruined one of my favorite things of all time; the regular golf cart. I feel like Costanza in the Seinfeld episode where he and Jerry are talking about how there should be those moving airport walkways instead of sidewalks. Costanza says something to the effect that he 'can't walk anywhere now, I'll just be wishing there were moving walkways.' Bingo. Like when I drive my golf ball 118 yards (NBD but KBD) and I have to get into a regular cart with wheels I'm just going to be disappointed. And the sad thing is I love golf carts! I remember when they first let me and my buddies rent one at Town and Country in Sheboygan. We were doing golf cart jousting with two carts and our drivers by the second hole. But now? If my golf cart can't float above a water hazard then forget it. First world problems are the worst world problems.

    PS: I was showing a buddy of mine the Golf Boys 2.Oh video the other day and he said he was sick of Bubba Watson. Ummmm what? Are you sick of America too? Dude is one of the funniest, most self-aware people on the planet. Plus he's a borderline manimal with that pelt on his chest and he just invented a hovercraft. Take a lap and cue the music!

  • Alright Brewers fans, I present to you: Front Row Andy

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Had a lot of people (mom, dad) texting our station this morning asking if I saw this guy on TV at the Brewer game last night. Indeed I did! Actually he's been at quite a few games over the last two seasons. Pretty much ever since Front Row Amy blew up. But for those making his aquintance for the first time last night, let me formally introduce you to bizarro world Front Row Amy, Front Row Andy. Now I'll admit his schtick was pretty funny the first time I saw it. The full beard, the chest hair cleavage, the fake scorecard, I mean the guy went all out in his parody. But everytime I see him I have a laugh which is immediately followed by disappointment that the real Front Row Amy isn't there. Actually come to think of it I'm not sure I've ever seen Front Row Amy and Front Row Andy at the same game. Now that would be something. Actually it would be a hell of a thing if Front Row Amy and Front Row Andy were dating or something. Now I creepily follow Front Row Amy on Facebook like some sort of social media Buffalo Bill know Front Row Amy is married so that scenario could never play out. But I can't be the only one who has dreamed about Front Row Amy and Front Row Andy hooking up and having bearded baseball babies right? Right?*

    *I just turned the creepy level on this blog up to 11. No wonder my parents just tell their friends that I'm a 'free lance writer.'

    PS: Is it weird that I think the hottest thing Front Row Amy does is keep score? Like I know I joke around a lot about SI swimsuit models and whatnot but realistically what shot would I have there. I know I'm not Ryan Gosling or Justin Timberlake or John Stamos. All I want is a funny girl who understands baseball. Like my 50 Shades of Grey is sitting at Miller Park with Tina Fey keeping score while throwing me courtesy laughs as I crack half baked jokes.