Sports & More Strange Brew Sports & More Strange Brew

  • Shower Can Koozie is the new hotness.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Look out folks! Shakoozie coming in hot! Had a buddy of mine fire me an email with this picture. Stunned doesn't even begin to describe how stunned I was. I immediately had one of those 'how didn't I think of that' moments. To quote Homer Simpson, so simple, it works on so many levels! Just taking the simple idea of the koozie and the suction cup from a loofah* and combining it into a technological powerhouse. Not since the poop hatch in the forever lazy has science impressed me this much. And this was 1,000% invented by a kid in college. Nobody and I mean nobody is more creative than a college kid who wants to get drunk more efficiently. I swear if I spent 60% of the energy I spent on trying to get drunk in college on things that mattered I probably wouldn't be a degenerate blogger who embarrasses his family on a daily basis. 

    Now the only problem with this is that it's too late for me to use this effectively. In all honesty it's been a while since I've felt the need to have a shower beer. At this point, the combination of the warm water and alcohol at this stage in my life would end in hypothermia so fast it would make your head spin. May as well just toss me a live grenade. But for the youngsters out there this will reinvent the shower-beer game. I can remember taking many a Classic Light** into the dorm showers in Stevens Point but I always had to set it on the ground. Before you knew it there was shower water and soap in there. Just a mess from top to bottom. But no longer! Shakoozie is here to help. Shakoozie so hot right now. Shakoozie.

    *Blah blah blah man card blah blah loofah blah blah. Look if you're not using a loofah as an adult you're an idiot. Grow up Peter Pan.

    **Only the true degenerates will know what this beer tastes like off the top of their head. Cheapest beer on the market when I was in school, $6.99 for a THIRTY PACK. Classic Light: The Welfare of Beer. 

  • Italian Racing Sausage safely back home.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Cancel the Italian Sausage amber alert! This morning news came down that Guido was safely returned to TJ Ryan's bar in Cedarburg. And while I am happy for his return I am somewhat sad that the missing sausage storyline is now gone. Like the headline on the ESPN story of this yesterday was 'Cops search for sausage.' HEYO! I legit 'lol-ed' when I read that. Not one of those token 'lol's' you give to your friends or resident blogger's just to make them feel better, but a real, full bodied chortle. And the story overall was flat out hilarious too. Racing sausage costumes hang out in the back room of a curling club/bar, curling club/bar has curling club get together on February 16th, drunk person* discovers Guido and promptly steals him to go drinking around town and doesn't return him until today. The Onion couldn't have written a better storyline! Now I've been SCOURING Facebook trying to find pictures of Guido out and about the last two weeks but couldn't find anything. You just know there have been random sitings of this bro around town kicking back beers and slaying women with his Selleck Stache and sleek bow tie. In fact if someone at Brewers marketing doesn't put together a mock 'Unsolved Mysteries' vignette with grainy footage of times Guido was 'last seen' it is a flat out comedic misstep. (cue Unsolved Mysteries deep voice guy) 'If you or anyone you know has information as to the whereabouts of a 10 foot tall racing sausage please call....'

    *I've had many weird wakeups after a bender in my day. I've woken up in places I didn't know, cities I didn't know, and next to people I didn't know (not really mom). But I would imagine waking up and seeing the Milwaukee Brewers Italian racing sausage next to you has got to be bizarre. What the hell did I do last night?!

    PS: Amazing that this thing is back in one piece after being gone for 12 days. They say the first 24 hours of any racing sausage abduction is the most crucial. We were lucky this time.

  • Mike Bruesewitz debuts "The Kramer" haircut.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Well in case you weren't watching the Badgers utter destruction of Nebraska (yes this is a repeat from the Big Ten championship football game, also the Cornhusker basketball defense is only SLIGHTLY worse than the football defense giving up 77 points instead of 70)(that was a long parenthetical aside), Mike Bruesewitz debuted what he called the 'new age Kramer' haircut and instantly became my favorite Badger basketball player of all time. If you know anything about me you know I'm a Seinfeld addict. To the point where I feel like I may soon quit my job and tour the country competing in Seinfeld trivia competitions*. Really the only thing I love more than that show is 90's pop culture. Like Maryland does football and crab-cakes. I do Seinfeld and Tomagotchi's. But anyhow as soon as they showed Bruesewitz last night I laughed out loud and added him to my disconcertingly long man crush list. Only thing the Badgers did wrong last night was not playing a Seinfeld 'Giddy up!' sound-bite when Mike scored.

    Also the Badgers are tied for 2nd and a game out of 1st in the best conference in the country. NBD but KBD**.

    *Those are actual legit competitions that happened. That has to be my true calling right? I've been watching 4 episodes of Seinfeld daily since I was 10. This is my calling. What Jordan is to basketball and Lohan is to cocaine, I am Seinfeld.

    **Hey Mom, that means No Big Deal but Kind of a Big Deal. Also is the meatloaf done? I never know what you're doing in there.

  • Dancing with the Stars cast revealed

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Dancing with the Stars, your cast, WOOF. Now in the interest of full disclosure I couldn't care less about this show unless Donald Driver or a Packer is on it. I'm actually kind of shocked they don't just put a Packer on it every season. Did you see the ratings they pulled down in Wisconsin during that season?! Ridiculous. And it could be literally ANY former Packer and I'd be locked and loaded. Give Santana Dotson a call or Gilbert, hell I'm sure Don Majkowski could use a paycheck. In fact there's probably a 30% chance Majik just looked at himself in his bathroom mirror and said 'Don Majkowski could use a paycheck.' So yeah, either get a Packer on board or do a night dedicated to the Elaine dance from Seinfeld or the Truffle Shuffle and I'd be invested.

    Wynonna Judd: Actually think this will be entertaining. She was just in Sheboygan and did a phone interview with me that was hilarious. Also from doing an interview with Jon Henseler to Dancing with the Stars. Beckett's green arrow WAY up.

    DL Hughley: Before I didn't understand Tyler Perry's humor I didn't understand DL Hughley's.

    Jacoby Jones: Raven's wideout who caught that bomb from Flacco in Denver but literally has done nothing else in his career. So we know two things about him, he can catch a hail mary and has an unbelieveable agent.

    Lisa Vanderpump: Who?

    Andy Dick: Dude is in so many things it's hard to fathom. I did have a moment this morning though when I typed 'Andy Dick...' into Google to see if he was on the show and 'net worth' is what Google finished for me in the search. I had a panic attack that Andy Dick was going to be worth some Ted Dibiase money and what I found was that according to some Celebrity Worth website he is worth 5 grand. FIVE GRAND! First time I've felt genuinely good in months. I'm only 4 grand poorer than Andy Dick. That's my new email tag.

    Victor Ortiz: Boxer who owes me money for taking a dive against Mayweather last spring.

    Zandaya Coleman: See Vanderpump, Lisa.

    Ingo Rademacher: Jax from General Hospital. I mean that's what I heard at least.

    Kellie Pickler: Kellie Pickler+DWTS outfits= So much win. Hopefully Brent Musberger will do play by play.

    Dorothy Hamill: Only figure skater I know besides Chaz Michael Michaels.

     

  • Senior Center Bingo game ends in brawl.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Huff – A bingo game at a New Hampshire senior center broke out into an F-I-G-H-T after two women started arguing over Avon products. Officers in Portsmouth, N.H., responded to call on Friday afternoon reporting of “some pushing and shoving” over the sale of Avon products, OpposingViews.com reported. It seems that one of the women, a regular bingo player, was upset that the other woman in the altercation had set up a table to sell Avon products, according to Sgt. Kuffer Kaltenborn of the Portsmouth Police. “The altercation appears to have been started over the fact that one resident was upsetting another by (selling Avon and disrupting) the scheduled bingo event that occurs,” he told SeacoastOnline.com. The officers broke up the bingo brawl, only to get a call two hours later when one of the women said she’d like to press charges, MSNnow.com reported.

     

    'A rule is a rule, and let's face it, without rules, there's chaos.' Preach Kramer! Preach! I mean what was this bingo playing grandma supposed to do? Just sit idly by while this other broad was trying to sell Avon products in the middle of a Bingo game? Pffft. For sure not. Ever heard of the old saying 'give them an inch they take a mile'? Bingo (no pun intended/intended). Because make no mistake about it, this is a slippery slope. You let this chick sell Avon during Bingo what's next? Selling Avon during early bird dinner? Slinging moisturizer at the shuffleboard court? Hustling make up remover during Lawrence Welk? Nope. Not on this lady's watch. Bingo time is for Bingo and if you can't respect that then you're getting an arthritic knuckle sammich to the grill 100 times out of 100. There are rules, this isn't 'Nam.

    PS: I feel like this happens probably more than gets reported at senior centers. I just picture one of those tote boards you see at factories where they have '___ days since the last accident' except it says '___ days since our last geriatric brawl.' 

    Double PS: I like the Seinfeld reference here but I can't help but be disappointed that there wasn't any actually footage of this throw-down. Of course I guess 'Senior Citizen' and 'cell phone camera' probably don't go together too well. Can't wait until my generation gets to retirement age. You better believe Youtube is going to be LITTERED with Bingo Brawls and Canasta battle royals. 

  • James Franco's start to Daytona raised some eyebrows.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Alright NASCAR fans what's the verdict here? Funny? Uncool? I dunno. All I know is the second he said it I knew it was going to get a lot of traction online and that's exactly what happened. Kind of a viral video spidey sense I have. And in typical Strange Brew fashion we waited almost a full 24 hours to blog it! Strange Brew: Giving you yesterday's viral videos today. Real smart Jon. Real smart. 

    Anyhow you've got people upset at Franco because 'what, Danica's not a driver?' and you've got people who are loving Franco because 'Danica's not a driver.' Kind of have to love the fact that he went of script though. Just not letting the fact that 'James Franco' and 'NASCAR' go together about as well as 'Ned Yost' and 'bullpen management' get to him. Seriously the second I saw Franco out there I was baffled. Reminded me of Donnie from Big Lebowski. You're out of your element Franco! It made so little sense that it almost made perfect sense. And at the end of the day he made more headlines than almost anyone else outside of 50 Cent creepin' on Erin Andrews. Seriously 2 major headlines from the Daytona 500 were James Franco and 50 Cent. What?

    Also as a 'noob' to NASCAR I noticed a lot of my NASCAR friends on Facebook were upset about Jimmie Johnson winning. Now, again, my knowledge of NASCAR is pretty limited but I'm guessing people hate him because he won so much? Or is there something I don't know about? Either way you better believe I went on the air today and acted upset about it too. Just stealing Facebook anger like you read about. Conform to survive kids. Life 101. 

    PS: Here was the 50 Cent video. DENIED! The only thing missing was Mutombo coming out of nowhere to give 50 the finger wag.

  • Maker's Mark restores alcohol content in their whiskey/my faith in America

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Maker's Mark drew a storm of complaints when the venerable bourbon distiller announced this week it would be diluting its whisky due to anticipated supply shortages, but today it announced it is scrapping the plan.

    "While we thought we were doing what's right, this is your brand - and you told us in large numbers to change our decision," the company said in a statement released today. "You spoke. We listened. And we're sincerely sorry we let you down."

    Effective immediately, the company said, it was reversing its decision to lower the alcohol content of Maker's Mark, and would resume production at 45 percent alcohol by volume.

     

     

    Talk about the marketing campaign of the century here from Maker's Mark. Like I forgot that they even existed until earlier this week when they announced they were reducing the alcohol content in their whiskey. Everyone up in arms protesting (making grammitcally flawed Facebook/Twitter posts) about how they are ruining an American institution and should be ashamed of themselves blah blah blah. Then two days later Maker's Mark releases a statement saying they've listened to their consumer's complaints and have decided to restore the alcohol content back to it's original 45%. All the while renowned websites like the Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal and Strange Brew are writing about their decisions and giving them free advertising. Just brilliant on all fronts. New Coke-ing the hell out of the general public. 

    As a side note, is this a good sipping whiskey? I'm kind of an a crossroads in my life where I feel like I need a 'drink.' That plus it has become my life's ambition to become Don Draper and my guess is sipping on Blue UV and drinking PBR isn't getting me any closer. But I've never been able to be a whiskey or scotch rocks guy. I've heard Maker's has a 'sweet' taste to it that makes it a more palatable if you just drink it straight? I dunno. All I know is I'm almost 30 and I still drink domestic beer at a bar like I'm a toddler. Come on Jon! You've got a beard now! Grow up Peter Pan, Count Chocula.

  • Bucks with a BLOCKBUSTER yesterday.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Strong chance I'm posted up outside of John Hammond's office in the near future screaming at him like Kramer. I mean what was that yesterday? JJ Redick? That's not going to be good for anyone indeed Jerry. 

    I guess I'm not sure what I expected from the trade deadline yesterday. I was sort of excited if they got Josh Smith, and at the end of the day we are SLIGHTLY better than we were by acquiring Redick but I guess my overall question is what is our plan as a franchise here? I mean Redick is a nice piece no doubt. Averages 15 per game. Shoots 45% and about 40% from beyond the arc. But adding JJ Redick to our current roster is like me getting my teeth whitened to offset my neck beard, hooded sweatshirt wardrobe and rapidly declining metabolism. Like it helps a little but not nearly enough for me to be considered a productive member of society.

    Now with that said the Bucks in my mind become a firm playoff contender with this move. And if that's what we're trying to accomplish then great. I mean it doesn't take much to put together a team that just 'gets in' in the Eastern Conference. If we maintain this roster even a little we'll be hanging #7 seed banners at the Bradley Center like we were the 80's Celtics. But in terms of actually making this team a championship contender, or even a home court top 4 seed contender we are still miles away. That's why I was kind of hoping we'd dump Jennings and Ellis and basically everyone except Sanders and Henson. And do it all for draft picks. Then package those picks for lottery picks and try to build the team like the Thunder. Now granted that would mean we'd have to hit in like 3 consecutive drafts which also is not our strong suit but that's the only viable way to build a small market team in the current NBA. And I love the argument of 'but we'll have to have 3 or 4 years of 15 win teams to do that!' Ummmmmmm so? Like what am I missing out on then? 35-40 win teams that get swept in the first round? Oh no! At least if you tank there would be hope. It would be like telling a homeless man that if he's homeless for four more years at the end of that time he'll get a mansion, salary and pension. And make no mistake, there are relatively few differences between rooting for the Milwaukee Bucks and being homeless. Both have been abandoned. Both only have hope and good will to live on. And both can't believe Joel Pryzbilla is on an active roster.

    So let the Redick era begin! Playoffs/first round sweep here we come! Fear the deer! Fear the deer!

    PS: Only thing more hopeless than being a fan of the Bucks would be being a season ticket rep. Like how hard of a sell is that. Nobody praying harder for Hammond to trade for a marketable superstar yesterday than them. And they get JJ Redick! Get to the phones folks!

    Double PS: If Tobias Harris becomes a star I'm going to lose it Jessie Spano style.

  • Katherine Webb breaks silence on creepy gate, thanks Musberger for launching her career.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    (B93 just missed out on this feature interview)

    Not much else to say here that we haven't said on this topic already but I saw this interview posted yesterday and thought we should all get Katherine Webb's take on the situation. Now anyone with half a brain has been thinking this from the moment Musberger got taken to task for calling a beautiful girl beautiful but just in case there was any doubt Katherine here not only likes being told she looks good but she also owes Brent Musberger her career. Just good to hear it from the Sarah Jessica Parker's mouth so to speak. 

    PS: I don't know why but I picture Brent Musberger watching this on repeat while wearing the old ESPN sports coat, eating a wheel of cheese and laughing diabolically. It doesn't make sense except that it makes perfect sense.

    Double PS: Looks like you were wrong Zoolander.

  • On Cindy Crawford's 47th: The Greatest Super Bowl ad of all time.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Straight. Fire. Cindy Crawford turns 47 today folks. FORTY SEVEN! And she's still a flat out smokebomb. She's like Benjamin Button or something. Except instead of an old man getting young with numerous plot holes she's just a really hot chick who never ages. And when I saw this on the 'celebrity birthday' list this morning I was IMMEDIATELY reminded of the above Pepsi ad. Now you can talk all you want about the Bar Raefali Go Daddy ad this year or the Budweiser Frogs or blah blah blah but this is the beginning and end of the greatest Super Bowl ads as far as Strange Brew is concerned. Cindy Crawford in her prime just dominating a white tank top and cutoff jean shorts. In the words of Andy Bernard: Nailed it. I think I must have been 8 or 9 when this came out and it was an iconic moment in a Young Jon's life for a couple of reasons. #1 was it let me know I like girls. And #2 was that girls will dictate the choices I make for the rest of my life. Important life lessons at a young age and they've been pretty much cornerstones of my life since then. #1 looked a little suspect when Aaron Rodgers threw on a Super Bowl championship belt but that was what they call 'fleeting' I'm pretty sure. Either way, for those that remember it, this ad was just tremendous. To the point where I'm not sure how Pepsi didn't just fire their entire advertising department afterwards. Like this should have been the only Pepsi aired ever again. It's like throwing 98 mph heat. If you've got it, no reason to not throw it.

    PS: Clicking on the user who posted this, MrClassicAds1990s, is a MAJOR mistake. He's got like every ad from the 90's on there and they're set up in playlist form. It's like wandering into an internet black hole. I've still got it running in the background as I type this with no end in site. Looks like Strange Brew International Headquarters is closed early for the day.

    Double PS: How about these AT&T 'You will' ads. Us in 1993: What is this demonry you speak of! AT&T 20 years later: Suck it.

  • Mat Gamel out for the year, now what at first base?

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Preach Frank! Preach! This is pretty much how I felt yesterday when the Gamel news came out. Now in the interest of full disclosure, I was the one 2 weeks ago BEGGING for any Brewers news to talk about. Packer's were done, Super Bowl over, the Bucks were being the Bucks and Project Runway is in the midst of it's most disappointing season in recent memory. So what does little 6 pound 8 oz baby Jesus give me? Corey Hart knee surgery! Ryan Braun PED scandal version 2.0! Gamel out for the year! Our pet's HEADS are falling off!

    Now first and foremost I kind of feel for Gamel here. I can only imagine tearing your ACL, going through a year of rehab, only to tear it again and be back in rehab a month later has got to be brutal. Then again in my imagination I have the healing powers of Wolverine so a torn ACL is the least of my concerns. Either way at this point you feel likeGamel's next stop might be Vandalay Industries. I'd imagine he'll have a shot to secure a utility spot next year but that's a pretty dramatic drop from where he was in the organization 5 years ago. When he's been up he hasn't produced the way we thought he would and now he's got the injury prone label. Guy's like those skeleton characters that crumble in Mario. Again, hope he's not DONE done, but we'll see.

    Now the question becomes who do you use to navigate the first two months of the year at first. Maldonado? Alex Gonzalez? Clu Haywood? Keith Hernandez? I know Hunter Morris is the fan pick and I certainly want to see if he can hit at this level, but a jump from AA to everday major league first baseman is kind of a big jump. It would be like me writing a blog for Grantland tomorrow. The game is faster, the pitchers are better and they probably require some basic knowledge of the English language and grammar. Again, there's a lot of spring to figure it out but you wonder if they'll try and find a veteran to fill the void. Kind of wish they would have signed Overbay when they had the chance.

    And that last sentence is NOT a great omen for 2013.

  • Alabama linebacker recruit Rueben Foster takes sleeping in class up a notch

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Saw this picture tweeted out the other day and was flat out flabbergasted. This is Alabama linebacking recruit Rueben Foster just sleep-standing like a boss in class. And you know what first popped into my head when I saw this picture from Weekend at Rueben's? 'Can't believe this guy is actually in class.' Like that was the most shocking part to me. I mean what's your play if you're the teacher here? Got to be a 'I'm not even mad' Ron Burgundy approach right? Bro looks like a Tetris piece for cryin' out loud. But at the end of the day he's also a top 20 high school recruit who just committed to the back to back national champs so class is the least of his problems. Hell if he just goes to class at Alabama he'll probably be a candidate for a Rhodes Scholar even if he's in a stage 5 coma. Roll tide!

    PS: Rueben, I know you're a little young for this, but trust me when I say, watch this Seinfeld video and plot out the rest of your classroom naps accordingly.