Sports & More Strange Brew Sports & More Strange Brew

  • "Dislike" Michael Jacobson

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Those that know me know that I don't get too political. Just ask my political science professor from Stevens Point, Prof Wang (actual name, I'm not smart enough to make that stuff up). He put the 'mercy' in 'mercy C.' Also there's not a whole lot of political debate on ESPN, milwaukeebrewers.com, or sports.yahoo.com/fantasy. So I can hardly be blamed for my ignorance. But today friends is a different day (cue American the Beautiful playing behind my blog). Late last night I read an article that got me downright upset. Brewers playoff loss upset. It all centered around a brand new burger sold at a restaurant in Boston called Friendly's. I can't possibly think of the adjectives to adequately characterize its awesomeness so here is a photo; disclaimer: Must be 18 to scroll down:

     

     

    That my friends is a black angus burger with bacon, lettuce, tomato and mayo wrapped in-between TWO grilled cheese sammiches. Pure. Filth. So since this burger has been released there have been record sales of it at Friendly's, which led one Michael Jacobson to issue the following:

    The Wilbraham restaurant chain is “thumbing its nose at its customers’ health” and should be “shut down by the health department,” said Michael Jacobson, executive director of the Center of Science in the Public Interest, a Washington-based consumer health advocacy group. “It’s almost a parody of itself,” Jacobson said. “It’s so high in calories, fat and salt that it’s just shocking that a company, in this day and age, would market such a harmful product.”…

    Ummmmmm....the last time I checked this is America right? Land of the free? Where you can drink and smoke and eat cholesterol bombs to your heart's content (or stoppage)? Like that's an amendment I'm pretty sure. Amendment  10 or something. Google it. Not to mention I'm fairly certain most people don't order this and think "Welp, I guess I'll cut back today and order the sandwich that has both lettuce AND tomato." People know that finishing this burger has inherit health risks. But that's what's great about it. I'm fairly certain that if George Washington himself were alive he'd be eating 8 of these a day all while waiving the American flag and drafting more 'screw off' legislation aimed at the Brits. So to me Michael Jacobson is a communist at best. USA! USA! Bonus word: burger.

    PS: How chapped is KFC about this move, they had the cholesterol bomb market cornered with this work of art:

    Well Friendly's just threw down the gauntlet. Your move KFC. Your Move.

    Double PS: What is the percentage chance that burger was concocted by three Friendly's employees at 3am? Somewhere between 3 and 4 hundred percent?

  • LeFraudapooloza begins!

    Posted by Jon Henseler

     

    Well this settles it. LeBron is a communist! Or a fascist! Wait what was Germany again? Brat-ist? Something like that. You'd think I'd remember this with all of the Wolfenstein I played as a kid. Point being that any NBA team that signs him is downright Un-American! And if you don't like America you can giiiiiiiiiiit out.

    Anyhow I feel obligated to at least throw my two cents in on this NBA free agency buffet about to being tonight at midnight. I mean almost everyone I run into wants to know where I think Lebron is going to end up. And by 'everyone' I mean my mom asked me the other day what the deal is with this LeJordan character. So here goes nothing.

    My best guess is that this is all an organized circus to generate attention toward the NBA during a time when there is generally little. I'm assuming at some point two years ago David "Vince McMahon" Stern sat down with LeBron and basically told him that even if he was going to stay in Cleveland he should opt out of his contract and create the media circus that you currently see on every media outlet. I mean Strange Brew is on it and the Brewers actually won last night! Anyhow I know everyone thinks Chicago or Miami or New York blah blah blah. You can't convince me that he is not going to stay in his hometown of Cleveland. Can you imagine being a high school phenom in Akron, Ohio, the Cavs getting the 1st overall pick the year you go into the draft (see where the McMahon reference comes in?), and you getting to stay in your hometown to play professional ball? Then 7 years later after you've won literally NOTHING skipping town to go to a bigger market? I just don't see it. That would be like me deciding to do socially awkward radio in a market other than Sheboygan. Like if I'm going to embarrass myself and others I'm going to do it on my own turf. You're welcome Sheboygan (read: I'm sorry).

    So my guess is this drags on for a couple of weeks before ultimately LeBron stays in Cleveland. And based on the way my predictions have gone on this blog over the course of it's existence I would anticipate a press conference announcing his new contract to play soccer in Madrid momentarily. Either way I HOPE he leaves Cleveland and the division. If that happens and the Bucks can resign Salmons (who also opted out) we become the favorites to win the division next season. Like legitimately. How insane is it that I won't get drug tested anymore after that statement. Bonus word: lebron.

    PS: I'm not sure if anyone caught the Chris Douglas Roberts press conference at the Cousins Center yesterday, but he was talking about being amped up to play for Skiles so Scott can teach him defense. Like really? Defense in the NBA? Is this even planet earth anymore?

    Double PS: Douglas Robersts already has the best catchphrase in the league. CDR me ASAP. Easy to remember? Check. Beer reference? Check. Put that on shirts and rake in the cash. Marketing in Wisconsin 101.

  • The Brewers give me a case of the drinkies.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    No words can more accurately describe how I felt after last night's Brewers game than this 8 second video. This team makes me want to drink, drink fast, and drink lots. On a sidenote this has to be the greatest video in the history of youtube. Nothing overtly long, just 8 seconds of awesomeness that leaves you both amused and impressed. Like this guy's friend's reaction is the best. If you ever wanted to know what genuine admiration looks like THAT was it. That guy reacts at the end of that video the way I react when I say complete sentences to women. And don't think for a second that these guys didn't get both of the girls commenting on this video. Just a total trump card, you can have all the pick up lines you want, I'll take this guy as my wingman every day of the week.

    In any case I was going to post this on my blog yesterday after I got done blah blah blahing about soccer:

    "In a related/totally unrelated story as predicted here on Strange Brew, the Brewers have their comeback in full effect.  Ho-Hum. No big deal. Just on the cutting edge of team turnarounds. Next up the Astros and I legitimately believe the Brewers can win 7 games in this series. I mean Carlos Lee is there prime offensive weapon and I thought he retired after he played for us in 1997."

    But I decided to wait on it, because in the back of my head a little voice said "just wait until after the series is over to talk trash about the homestand....also stomach says to lay off the beef jerky and dippin dots for dinner." Stupid voice. Always bossin me. So thankfully I held off in my posturing as I watched the Brewers give away a FOUR RUN LEAD to the worst team in baseball at home! Now don't get me wrong, they could still have a 'good' 6-3 or 7-2 homestand, but at this point of the year when you're still 8 games under .500 'good' is not going to cut it anymore. They need great homestands of 8-1 or 9-0. Not to mention they are making it hard to justify writing a blog about them once or twice a week when they keep hovering around mediocrity and lose games to turrible teams. I'm like a defense attorney trying to get a guy off after his 9th OWI. Bonus word: frustrated.

    PS; Is this Ghana's fault somehow? It's got to be right? I joked about that guy from yesterday being Papa Shango but now I'm starting to wonder if that's true and he has cursed not only me but my favorite team? Where's the Ultimate Warrior when you need him!

  • Wait till next year...

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    .....Or......four years from now? Is that how long it is until the next World Cup? Hey FIFA, I've got an idea, you want more people on this continent amped about your sport? Make the World Cup every year, or two at the very least. This is reason #34324 why soccer doesn't catch on in America. Because by the time we get invested and finally learn the rules, we have to wait four years to get another taste. Like right now I actually know what 'offsides' is and what 'stoppage time' is, but four years from now? Who knows if I'll even be alive, let alone remember the rules of soccer. I guess I could watch the MLS, but if I add that to the list of MLB, NFL, NBA, and college football and basketball, where do I draw the line? Like am I going to watch the WNBA? Rock/Paper/Scissors? Yeah I can't get invested in another league, I'm just not in the right place. It's not you soccer, it's me.

    I do wonder though how in the world the U.S. lost to Ghana. Friekin GHANA. I had to google 'African map' just to find out where the hell Ghana is! Not to mention we had this combo rooting for the good ol' U.S.A.:

    Seriously how can Ghana, let alone any person compete with these two in our corner. I mean how great would it be to be this dude in orange behind Mick and Slick here. Just think about the conversation that led to these laughing faces. I posed this question on my bookface on Saturday; who's got the better "you think THAT'S a story? I'll give you a story, this one time......" stories here? Got to be Clinton right? Like only Clinton can not only combine hook ups with world diplomacy but also redefine an entire word. Like he said the words "I guess that depends on what your definition of is is," and it sort of worked.

    Then again:

    AHHHHHHHHHH! Did I just get hexed through my TV? Is that Papa Shango*? Nevermind the World Cup, I'm just happy we all made it out alive. Not to mention we may have lost the match, but who has color TV and Slim Jims? That's what I thought. USA! USA! Bonus word: voodoo.

    *If you understood that late 80's wrestling reference welcome to an exclusive club. One with no women or prospects.

     

     

  • BIG Weekend ahead.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Man, is being a kid the cat's pajamas or what? Growing up is for suckers. I was thinking about that while I was at the Brewers game on Wednesday. I ended up sitting next to some 12 year old Twins fan who was there with his parents just gobbling up Lemon Ice's and Crack Jacks like it was his profession. All the while in the back of his head thinking about how he has to get up and watch cartoons tomorrow, then ride his bike for like 16 hours and cap it off with some video games before bed. Meanwhile I keep on looking at the giant clock in right field thinking "aw man, it's like 10:15 already?! I'm going to miss the weather forecast on the news and I've got to work tomorrow, my pre-bed reading time is shot already, let's get this thing moving!" Hell I didn't even really know it was summer until like 3 days ago when I was driving on my lunch break and saw kids all over the place skateboarding and biking and laughing (at me presumably). Back when you were 12 you had a mental countdown to summer break starting in January.

    Anyway the good news is there are plenty of sports distractions coming up this weekend to avoid doing things like yard work*. The Brewers revival tour continues tonight, then USA World Cup soccer tomorrow afternoon, more Brewers baseball once that match is over and a second consecutive sweep to be wrapped up on Sunday! This is reason #32432 why soccer is slowly becoming my favorite sport. Already it makes it socially acceptable to drink at 9am, it also gives me an excuse to play Hulk Hogan's Real American on the air after wins, and now you can tack on that it allows you to blow of responsibility on Saturday afternoons. Like how can I be expected to mow the lawn when my country is fighting for their soccer lives? What am I a terrorist? Pfft. So yeah, I'll be tuning in. It's my patriotic duty. So slot in some serious HDTV time inbetween ice pops and play up there, it's going to be a full slate! Bonus word: soccer.

    *Also at what point when you become a big kid do you start looking at weekend weather forecasts differently? Like I've gone from getting amped to grill out, drink beer, and playing some bocce ball to getting amped up about pruning the trees in my yard, edging, and cleaning my gutters. It's at the point where I pray for rain. Even just a chance of it. "Welp there's a 20% chance of rain today, I don't want start a project only to have it start raining. Better just continue watching this Jersey Shore marathon for the next 8 hours."

    PS: I'm pretty sure I'd be the first overall pick if there was ever a bocce ball draft. For whatever reason my brain can calculate the exact speed and strength I need to put on each ball to basically land on the jack. Sure I can't find my way home from work without mapquesting it, but at least my brain can figure out something productive/totally useless.

  • We are America-ing the hell out of the World Cup

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    300% chance President Obama is emailing this video to every remaining World Cup team not named the United States of America. Like how is this not a part of the national anthem yet? I'm not saying it should replace the Star Spangled Banner, but maybe like an (ahem).......addendum? Like how in Layla it goes from hard core rock song to softer life contemplating piano at the midway point. Just throw this on right at the end. Honestly if I'm Ghana watching that 19 seconds I'm contemplating pulling a France and not even showing up on Saturday. As a sidenote is it a shock to ANYONE that France quit halfway though this World Cup. Look I don't pretend to know the intricacies of soccer, but if you asked me before the World Cup what team was most likely to get their panties in a bunch about something a coach said and quit I would have said France after you said panties. So get ready Ghana, because ROOOOCK FLAGG AND EEEEEEAAAGGGLLLEEE is going to be in your grillmix on Saturday!

    Transitioning smoothly from World Cup soccer to NBA talk, the draft is tonight and the Bucks have about 42543 picks. Alright well more like 4 picks, but in the NBA that is a ton of new players. Generally teams have two, some have one, but once again John Hammond not only has added productive players before the draft, but compiled a list of picks that Ted Thompson would be proud of. So my guess is that they make some sort of trade to move up in the first round and pick a power forward or backup center in case Bogut gets hurt again. And by 'in case' I mean 'when.' For as good as he has gotten he hasn't played an entire season healthy since his rookie year. So it might be time to get somebody other than the Dan Gadzuric's or Francisco Elson's of the world to man that backup spot. By the way Hammond pulled off ANOTHER trade yesterday, acquiring Chris Douglas Roberts from the Nets for a 2012 2nd round pick. Roberts averaged 10 points per game off of the Nets bench last, is young and athletic with nothing but upside. And he got him for a pick TWO YEARS from now. Like the Mayan apocalypse is going to hit before the Nets see an R.O.I. on that! So for for those keeping score at home Hammond turned Gadzuric and Bell into Corey Maggette, Chris Douglas Roberts, and a pick. Ho-Hum. Nothing to see here. Just another day for John Hammond. Make some coffee, read the paper, do some grocery shopping, rob other NBA teams of their talent and pride, make a nice dinner and call it a night.

    Anyway the draft starts at 7pm. This used to be a time of panic for fans of this franchise, with guys like Dirk Nowitski getting traded for Robert Tractor Traylor (who I'm pretty sure works at the Perkins down the road from me now) or drafting the likes of Marcus Haislip, Yi Jianlian, or Danny Fortson in the first round. It was enough to make even the most optimistic fan want to inflict self harm. Just kidding/not really. So be sure to tune in and see who the next members of the 2010-'11 NBA Champs will be! (How crazy is it that I can even type that tongue in cheek and actually NOT sound completely insane). Bonus word: flag.

    PS: Now that I know what addendum means I use it all the time. And completely out of context. "Sheboygan's Country B93 inside 12 in a row Brad Paisley is coming up, right now Kenny Chesney and Beer in Mexico on B93.......addendum."

    Double PS: Layla is a top 5 song of all time and anybody who says it isn't must be a communist.

     

  • John Hammond is KILLING IT.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    See the drummer in this video? Just dominating this performance from beginning to end and making everyone else in his band look pathetic as they scramble to keep up? THAT is what John Hammond is doing to the rest of the NBA right now. Typically in these situations I would say that Hammond is playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers blah blah blah. But not even that accurately characterizes his 2+ year run as the Bucks GM. He's playing a different game entirely. Odds are it's probably still a basic card or board game, but I started thinking what if it's not? What if it's something cool I don't even know about yet you know? (are we not in the safety....with the nest?).

    In any case if you missed it yesterday John Hammond against all odds moved BOTH Dan Gadzuric's and Charlie Bell's contracts out of town and got a warm blooded authentic basketball player in return. At this point I would have been happy to get Monopoly money back for Danny G. Hell I would have even taken a chance card for him. But somehow, someway Hammond got a 20 point per game scorer in Corey Maggette and a draft pick in return for a lot of dead weight. Now this did not come without some cost. Maggette is on the hook for 31 million dollars over the next 3 years. So we do take on salary, and the plan as far as I knew it since Hammond took over was to ride out all of the bad contracts that Larry Harris signed and go after big name free agents in the summer of 2011. But a funny thing happened on the way to 2011. This team got good. As in nearly winning 50 games and making the second round of the playoffs good. So in a league where so little is guaranteed and being consistently good is rare, the time is now to start building around Jennings and Bogut and stop waiting for 2011.

    Not to mention Hammond has somehow gotten rid of nearly every bad contract Larry Harris's ever inked. When Hammond became the GM in 2008 he had more bad paper on the books AIG (boom goes the economically relevant dynamite!). Booby Simmons, Mo Williams, Dan Gadzuric, Charlie Bell, Yi Jianlian, gone gone gone. The only one left is Michael Redd. And the way Hammond is operating right now it wouldn't shock me if he somehow gets the Cavs to do a sign and trade for Lebron. Honestly he is operating like I do when I offer trades in Madden that EVERY team accepts.

    So in the span of 2 years Hammond has during a moribound franchise doomed to possibly being relocated to an up and coming team dripping with talent and optimism. I think in my preseaon Bucks blog I wrote something to the effect of "Hammond had a better chance of bringing peace to the Middle East before he brings this team back to repectability." But here we are. At this point I have to ask what CAN'T Hammond pull off. Like could he get me a date with Heidi Klum? Could he explain what the check engine light really means? Can he beat orginal Contra for Nintendo WITHOUT cheat codes? Bonus word: hammond.

    PS: Milwaukee rids itself of both Gadzuric AND Suppan in the span of three weeks. How again is this not a statewide holiday?

     

     

     

  • Good luck picking up women with this guy out there.

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Well safe to say we've got an addendum* to the ways to be cool list. Step 1: Master real time Mario theme on violin; Step 2: Profit. Slide that right in there after "Irony." To be honest I kind of feel for my man Steve here, his 'ways to be cool' list lasted what like 3 weeks without needing an adjustment. Just shows how hard it is to stay on top of your cool game. Now if this guy could somehow master playing real time Mario theme on his violin while incorporateing 360's and eating more meat it would be game, set, match for everyone else out there. This also proves to me that I made the 200% wrong choice in instruments when I was in high school. I said to myself, "Jon," I said, nothing will bring in the ladies like mastering the bass line of Final Countdown on the tuba! Pfft. If anything it was like girl repellent! I guess I should have known, there's a reason there is no "Sousaphone Hero" coming out for Playstation anytime soon.

    This video is also why the internet is the greatest invention of all time. Here I am at 9:30am trying to figure out what to blog about with the Brewers coming off of an off day, the NBA draft still two days away, and a long standing personal philosophy NOT to blog about soccer three times in a two week span. Then BLAMO, violin Nintendo guy enters my world. And yes there are related videos for this guy as well. Donkey Kong, Zelda, they're all there. He leaves no stone/cartridge unturned. So safe to say my kids will be learning about Teppei Okada the way I learned about Mozart and Bach. Bonus word: mario.

    PS: It took me 5 14 viewings of this video to realize that he was adding the action sound effects of the game going on in front of him. At first I thought he was ruining the majesty that is the Mario theme! Almost wrote a whole blog about how overrated this video was. Thankfully I have nothing but time to watch these types of videos and finally caught on.

    *Dropping some serious vocab on you folks! Truth be told though I only remembered half of the word and google bailed me out. I typed in "addendidumthing" and google responded with did you mean addendum? Absolutely I did google. Absolutely I did. Now if only google could interpret what I try to say on the air.

  • It's Go Time

    Posted by Jon Henseler

     

    WHOOOOOOO! Man does that get you jacked up or what! I feel like I could lift a car/take an extra long nap today. If Ken Macha doesn't play this before the homestand starts tomorrow he is outside of his mind. Wait does Ken know about youtube? Or email? Aw man I just typed in "Ken Macha" into a facebook search and he doesn't even have a facebook profile. There is a potpourri of "Fire Ken Macha," "Doug Melvin needs to fire Ken Macha," and "Ken Macha eats cat poop" fan pages though.  Well I'm not taking any chances. Time to make a VHS copy and mail it off today just in case. Load it up with 17 stamps and everything.

    In any case starting tomorrow the Crew begins a 9 game homestand against Minnesota, Seattle, and Houston. The last two of which are last place teams. For as dreadful as the Brewers have been at Miller Park this year you feel like this is probably their last chance to salvage any part of the season before inevitably trading Prince Fielder and waiting for next year. In fact I've already got the "Trade Prince Fielder" blog written, I've just been holding off until I truly believe the season to be over. So considering I still hold out hope for THIS season I'd expect to post that blog sometime in 2014. With that said during the course of these 9 games you would think they have to go something like 13-0 right? Alright maybe 6-3, or even 7-2?

    The really stupifying thing about the last couple of weeks of games is that they have gotten better pitching. Like a lot better pitching. As in during the 6 game road trip their starter's ERA's were UNDER 3 better pitching. And yet a 3-3 road trip. Manny Parra may actually have gotten his act together and Corey Hart is flat out raking. Yet this team is still 11 games under .500. Which leads me to my next question, the season Corey Hart is putting together is a little like winning 20 million dollars in the lottery but being 19.99 million dollars in debt to the IRS right? Or owning an HDTV without the proper cables? It's fun to look at  but all for not because the team can't win? And you know there is a 200% chance he hits .240 next year with 10 home runs and 47 RBI for the entire season.

    So I am flat out BEGGING the Brewers to get it together this week. We are just too far away from preseason football to already be completely done with baseball. But we're close. So close in fact that this is my first Brewers blog in like a week. Hell I've got two friekin soccer blogs on here during baseball season. I've got a video of a guy chugging spaghetti sauce. So for the sake of everyone let's get streak going! Bonus word: streak.

    PS: Say what you will about William Wallace but he's got nothing on Tim Allen's epic rant in Galaxy Quest. That's the kind of stuff legends are made of. Like it should almost have a disclaimer before that scene so you have a chance to mentally prepare yourself to feel like you can take on the world.

    Double PS: My only gripe with this montage is the "They make take our lives....but they'll never take our fr....Indepence Day!" Bill Pullman just stomping all over Braveheart right there. Par for the course with Pullman though. A man allergic to understanding the moment.

  • What?

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Well safe to say this guy Jim Joyced it. I googled 'soccer rules' to find out what exactly happened to team U.S.A. in the waning moments of their match with Slovenia today and I can't for the life of me find a rule where OUR player gets assaulted and we get the game winning goal taken away from us. Like is that offsides? Or icing? No clue. I didn't even see a flag down anywhere. All I know is I see Bradley getting bearhugged here while the official above makes a phantom call that NBA officials would be proud of.

    So if you wanted a reason as to why 90% of America doesn't follow soccer the last 5 minutes of this match pretty much summed it up. Because not only was this a bad call, but I'm pretty sure no one even knows what the call was. And this official doesn't have to explain himself really? Do you think Ed Hochuli would let that happen? Pfft. Then on top of that this ends in a tie for the second straight U.S. match. Another reason why most of America yawns at this sport. Here in America we win or we win big. There are no ties. Did the Revolutionary War end in a tie? Didn't think so. So while we probably shouldn't have even been down two goals to Slovenia in the first place, it would be nice to have the match come to some sort of conclusion. Oh well I guess, does Slovenia have stuffed crust pizza and Journey? Exactly. USA! USA!

    PS: Ed Hochuli needs to 300% become a soccer ref. Think one of these players would be whining to ol' Ed for a yellow card after a flop? Not if their parents taught them to never play with guns. Bonus word: guns.

     

     

     

  • Happy Birthdazzzzzzzzzz......

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    Friggin lolcats being so damn cute. When I discovered that website I literally spent like 6 hours on it. Just clickin 'next' at the bottom of the screen like nobody's business and all of a sudden it's 7pm! Between that and failblog.org it's a minor miracle that I get anything accomplished during the day. But how can I be expected to work when there are so many hilarious websites out there?! It's basically entrapment by the intarwebs.

    Anyhow the purpose of this blog is to say thanks to anyone and everyone who wished me a happy birthday yesterday on my facebook, the station's facebook, calling the studio, or yelled at me from their car windows. I'm pretty sure they were saying happy birthday anyway. Even made sure I knew I was number one. Too nice! In all seriousness I appreciate all the comments, hard to believe I didn't have to pay people (much) to type them! That plus thanks to anyone who brought food to the station yesterday. Totally bailed me out because I forgot to bring a snack for everyone. And if there's one thing kindergarten taught me it's to make sure you bring treats on your birthday. That and girls are icky.  

    I have to say though I think I'm getting to an age where birthday's aren't quite what they used to be. Like I can remember when I turned 24 12 waking everyone up in the house at 12:01am to open presents and start eating cake. Or in college start drinking beer at 12:01am. Now I'm lucky if I'm awake at 12:01am. In fact last night I did some light reading, watched Dateline and my late local news before calling it a night. I did have TWO pieces of cake though instead of dinner. Suck it maturity. Bonus word: cake.

    PS: That picture has to be the only legit reason to own a cat right? Pose them in weird situations with captions? Does this somehow make money too? Nothing more frustrating than total slackers making money off of cat posturing photos. That and people that blog about those websites. Total asses, and that's being polite.

  • Get me one of these Claymaker shirts!

    Posted by Jon Henseler

    If I don't get one of these ClayMaker shirts by day's end I'll just die. Seriously it's my birthday and this would be in my top 5 birthday presents of all time.

    1. Huffy 10 speed; AKA: The Strobe

    2. ClayMaker Shirt

    3. Limited edition Ren and Stimpy Pogs

    4. Lite Brite

    5. Industrial size Gak

    See?! It even beats out Lite Brite. Friekin Lite Brite people. Somewhere a 9 year old Jon weeps that I'd rank anything above that. But that's how dominant this shirt is. Not to mention I'm on the verge of doing something I rarely do; buy a player jersey of Clay Matthews. Sports fans now that buying a player jersey is like buying a mystery shot at the bar. All bets are off. Like that player could stay and have a hall of fame career with your team for his entire career. Or he could post a 16 ERA, steal money, get cut, and help other teams win games on your team's dime (check that Cardinals boxscore last night). So safe to say if you dropped a hundo on a Suppan jersey in 2006 you're not feeling too good about your investment. I have a buddy who even bought a retro Bill Hall jersey about three years ago when everyone was drunk on him after his 35 home run season. Now he's in the process of putting duck tape on the back and writing "Inglett" over "Hall." So the key is to buy the jersey of a guy who will more than likely still be on your team for 5 or more years and will be productive during that span. I have a feeling Matthews is that guy. Then again the last jersey I bought was a Vin Baker Bucks jersey and a year after that he was traded before ultimately landing in alcohol rehab two years later. I'm pretty sure he installed my cable last week.

    In any case I need this shirt. It's either this or one of these:

    Stretch Delorean baby! Would this thing need two flux capacitors? And 2.42 gigawatts? Bonus word: claymaker.

    PS: When pogs make a comeback you're all going to with you had my collection. Even have the hologram ying yang. I'll probably retire on that stash/sell them for 42 cents on ebay.

    Double PS: Gak smelled like poop.