Look normally I'm all about thinking outside the box when it comes to pets. What guy's heart couldn't be captured by such Strange Brew entrants such as "goat that screams like a man" or "beer drinking deer," but I've got to be honest I've got mixed feelings about a 22009439 lb buffalo living in my house.
1. Better home security than ADT. Burglars trying to break in? Boom. How's a bison goring your grillmix feel?
2. Just like the sun will rise in the morning, chicks dig domesticated wild animals. It's a scientific fact. Having trouble picking up women? Boom, post some pics of you and your pet bison Bailey and bingo bango your women problems are solved. In fact combine that with some Axe body spray and you'll be almost unstoppable. Like Hasselhoff unstoppable.
3. Buffalo are down for whatever, whenever. I mean Bailey here is ready to roll at a moment's notice. Check out some fine china? Done. Take a nap in the yard? No problem. Go for a car ride? Let's roll. You can't find friends like that anywhere.
1. Watching Bills games. Brutal.
2. When Bailey gets to drinking age this house is going to be WRECKED. Like you go out of town for the weekend and Bailey here has a house party with his bison buddies you can pretty much bank on seeing 'total loss' on your insurance statement. It's a known fact bison can't handle their liquor.
3. Always got to be on the lookout for when families roll in trying to get food for the rest of their trip on the Oregon Trail. I'm not sure I'd have that type of vigilance. Worst part is they probably couldn't even carry Bailey back with them. So then you've got a dead bison on your hands and you're stuck eating buffalo burgers for like 9 years. No thanks.
So as you can see it's a real catch-22. Not to mention I'm going to go ahead and assume that Bailey here is going to need to eat a thousand pounds of food a day. You know how many packages of Easy Mac that is? Friekin ridiculous! And it's not like Bailey's going to be able to play Madden or Call of Duty with you all afternoon with hooves for hands. Nope, I don't think pet bison is in the cards for me.
PS: You know who I really feel bad for here? The family dog, Charlie. Like that dude is doing EVERYTHING just to get one pat on the head. Like I'd bet Charlie has to know every trick in the dog trick play book just to keep up. Sit, shake, roll over, opposite paw, hell he's probably learned how to change this guy's fantasy lineup by now just to get some attention. But Charlie trying to compete with Bailey is like me trying to pick up the same woman George Clooney is hitting on. Flat out mismatch.