Meet Jemima Packington; the asparagus fortune teller

From The Huffington Post:

Meet Jemima Packington, a woman who divines the future using asparagus. The world's only "Asparamancer" casts the spears in the air and reads the shapes they form when they land. She has been reading asparagus since she was a little girl and claims to have been making accurate predictions about such things as the royal family and politics."It might sound silly to some people but my readings are very accurate," she said. "I have been doing readings using asparagus since I was eight years old. My great aunt read tea leaves and I have inherited her gift."

Well folks I think I found the one person in the world that has me trumped in the 'sorriest excuse for a job that actually pays the mortgage' department. I really thought being an internet tough guy, making fun of youtube users that will never find out who I am, making fun of little girls crying when the Vikings lose, and googling images of Kate Upton for 10 20 45 minutes hours put me in first place, but then I read about this Jemima Packington character this morning and all I can do is tip my cap. Like this broad straight up makes bank on throwing asparagus in the air and making up vague things about people's futures. And I'm guessing she's not making student loan payments for this occupation either. Like yeah I live a fake life with a joke job, but it cost me about $30,000 to get to where I am. The worst this Roseanne Barr looking chick has to deal with is smelly pee. +1 Asparamancer. Not to mention she's got job security for days. Without googling for an answer I'm going to go ahead and guess that Jemima is the only asparagus fortune teller in the world. Which also makes her the best asparagus fortune teller in the world. Can you say you're the best in the WORLD at what you do? For sure not. So while some may belittle her career path, you won't see a stone coming from this hand.

PS: This is another reason why I LOATH the Occupy Wallstreet movement. Whaaaaaa there's no jobs whaaaaaaa I want the money you made whaaaaaaaa. Oh there's no jobs? Well Jemima Packington just made up a job in your eye. When life gives you lemons make lemonade. When life gives you an unemployment rate of 10% invent a job where you throw asparagus in the air and make money on people's stupidity. America.

Double PS: I don't know why but before I saw her picture this is exactly what I thought an asparamancer would look like and I'd never even heard of an asparamancer until 10 minutes ago.