Well folks it pains me to say this, but today the terrorists won. I mean Gus Johnson calling soccer? Really? I hope you're happy CBS. It's bad enough I have to suffer through March Madness with Jim Nantz calling championship games like he's reading a Matt Christopher novel to a 6 year old at a library. Now the only chance I get to hear Gus Johnson is in international soccer matches? Great. What's next America? Are we going to send our greatest actors (Nicolas Cage, Tom Selleck) to star in European films? Are we going to replace baseball with cricket? Are we going to stop exporting all of our jobs for cheap labor overseas? May as well give Hacksaw Jim Duggan a Russian flag and call it a day. 

And the worst part is that international soccer fans are universally RIPPING him for his effort:

Memo to 1Giggst1: Bro, we gave you one of our cherished native sons. Gus Johnson literally makes everything better. He's bacon. This would be like the French shipping us the Statue of Liberty and us saying no thanks.

PS: Legit idea for Gus Johnson. Stat a ustream channel where all you do is call major sporting events (Super Bowl, World Series, Final Four) from your living room in real time. People will come Gus. People will come. (let's act like adults)

Double PS: And for those that think I need to open my mind up and start to accept the fact that soccer is the largest sport in the world I have a message for you: Nobody cares. It's soccer. Soccer. Ignorant American till the death of me.