Cancel the Italian Sausage amber alert! This morning news came down that Guido was safely returned to TJ Ryan's bar in Cedarburg. And while I am happy for his return I am somewhat sad that the missing sausage storyline is now gone. Like the headline on the ESPN story of this yesterday was 'Cops search for sausage.' HEYO! I legit 'lol-ed' when I read that. Not one of those token 'lol's' you give to your friends or resident blogger's just to make them feel better, but a real, full bodied chortle. And the story overall was flat out hilarious too. Racing sausage costumes hang out in the back room of a curling club/bar, curling club/bar has curling club get together on February 16th, drunk person* discovers Guido and promptly steals him to go drinking around town and doesn't return him until today. The Onion couldn't have written a better storyline! Now I've been SCOURING Facebook trying to find pictures of Guido out and about the last two weeks but couldn't find anything. You just know there have been random sitings of this bro around town kicking back beers and slaying women with his Selleck Stache and sleek bow tie. In fact if someone at Brewers marketing doesn't put together a mock 'Unsolved Mysteries' vignette with grainy footage of times Guido was 'last seen' it is a flat out comedic misstep. (cue Unsolved Mysteries deep voice guy) 'If you or anyone you know has information as to the whereabouts of a 10 foot tall racing sausage please call....'
*I've had many weird wakeups after a bender in my day. I've woken up in places I didn't know, cities I didn't know, and next to people I didn't know (not really mom). But I would imagine waking up and seeing the Milwaukee Brewers Italian racing sausage next to you has got to be bizarre. What the hell did I do last night?!
PS: Amazing that this thing is back in one piece after being gone for 12 days. They say the first 24 hours of any racing sausage abduction is the most crucial. We were lucky this time.