Sports & More Strange Brew

A New Jersey woman claims she was dismissed from a temporary job at a New York lingerie warehouse because her male employers felt she was too busty and dressed too provocatively for the workplace. Wearing a form-fitting sequined black dress and black leather, sequin-studded boots, Lauren Odes, 29, said her Orthodox Jewish employers at Native Intimates told her that outfit and others like it were “too hot” for the warehouse. “We should not be judged by the size of our breasts or the shape of our body,” Odes said. Odes’ attorney, celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred, said she filed a gender and religious discrimination complaint with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission in New York.

You know how sometimes you hear people say 'ack, it's just semantics'? Well sometimes that's true and sometimes it's the difference between an awesome article and this one. Like this had all the elements going for it. Lingerie store. Hot chick. Orthodox Jews. And then you click it the link to read further and you've got Nicole Ritchie after a week long binge and In and Out Burger staring you in the face. That's what you learn there's a difference between being 'dressed too provacatively' and 'too hot.' There are plenty of people who dress too provacatively that shouldn't. That's why you see me dressed like I'm going to work on Planet Hoth every day. No one wants to see it and I know it. So these managers were just trying to do right by everyone. They no longer have people complaining about this girl's attire and she get a compliment. Win win.

PS: The really intriguing thing of this story? That Orthodox Jews were the proprietors of a lingerie store. I mean what are the chances on that? Like in everything I've read about Orthodox Judaism I never once got the vibe that they'd be hustling lingerie stores in New York. These are people that go without electricity and computers, TV, etc. I guess when you don't have to worry about updating your Twitter you can spend more time on fishnet stockings.

Alright so I'm not backing off the Brewer bandwagon yet, hell if I was on it when Bob Hamelin was getting at bats I think I'm pretty much there for life, but there is one thing from last night that just has to be addressed. Randy Wolf needs to get it together with Jonathan Lucroy so we don't have to sit our second best batter every 5th day. Now I know Lucroy needs days off as a catcher anyway, but there is just no way you can sit a guy batting .342 and coming off of a 2 HR 7 RBI day just because Randy Wolf doesn't mesh with him on the mound. Again, if you're 10 games over .500 and Wolf is 5-1 with a 3.15 ERA, then you can be picky. But when your team is sitting 8 games under .500 and you're personally 2-4 with an ERA at 6 you just can't be choosy. Particularily with the offense struggling like it is. Lucroy is batting like .700 with runners in scoring position too. Ho-Hum. Kottaras has been solid but if you're Ron Roenicke you've got to ride a hot hand while you've got one. Beggers can't be choosers and if there's anyone who knows that it's your's truly. Being near the basement of the NL Central standings and still catering to to personal catchers at the expense of offense would be like me rejecting Kate Upton because I'm more of a brunette guy. Looney tunes in every sense of the term. 

PS: No lie, in retrospect I kind of wish Braunie wouldn't have hit that home run in the 8th last night. I mean if they won it would have been fine, but at that point in the game I had kind of resigned myself to a loss. Then Braun jolts one and gives you hope, only to be crushed by Hector frieking Sanchez in the 14th. So instead of being angry and in bed at 9:30, I was angry and drunk in bed at 11:45.

The Seattle Police Department is still laughing about this one! Last week, an unidentified person shattered the car window of a Jeep parked near the University of Washington. Police arrived to the scene finding nothing out of the ordinary except a trail of tortillas left on the floorboards. Officials released a statement saying, "The Seattle Police Department would like to take this opportunity to remind car prowlers that you shouldn't break in to something that's nachos." Although the trail of tortillas did not lead to the culprit, taquerias around the city are being surveillance for possible suspects.  

Love this story if you look at it from the Jeep owner's perspective. Like your car got broke into, window smashed and a Gordita Crunch is on your upholstery. So you call the cops to see if they can investigate and get to the bottom of it and what happens? They release a hilarious statement and never find out anything about who damaged your ride. Priceless! Like I wish more cops did this. I remember one time my car got broken into in college on move-in weekend and the campus police/detective* came over and looked at some things and basically told me there was a -50% chance they were finding the stuff stolen from my car. No reassurance, no pithy official statement, nothing. Which is probably the case 99% of the time. Not everything ends like a Law and Order episode. But at least with the Seattle Police Department everybody got a good laugh/blog material! Lemonade out of lemons situation right there.

*Campus detective as to be the lowest form of detective right? I mean to say I was shocked when I was told to get in touch with the UWSP campus detective would be an understatement. Also to say it wasn't Christopher Meloni rolling up to my busted Neon is an equally massive understatement. Can't knock his hustle though. Dude gets called maybe 5 times a year, tells all 5 people there's no shot at finding anything out and cashes a state employee paycheck. Yahtzee.

Gizmodo: 

Millions of us start the morning with a coffee and think nothing of it. But new medical research suggests that it could be helping you live longer—if you drink enough of it.

The large-scale study, which is published in the New England Journal of Medicine, showed that men who drank six cups of coffee or more every day were 10 per cent less likely to die during the 14 years of the study. Women who drank six cups or more were 15 per cent less likely to die over that same period. The result, fairly obviously, suggests that coffee drinkers live longer.

The researchers have also shown that the effect is seen across almost all causes of death, including heart disease, respiratory disease, stroke, diabetes, and infections. The effect, however, seems to decline with lower consumption—and a single cup of coffee a day was found to have negligible effect.

Suck it mortality! This is seriously the best news I've read since finding out Boy Meets World made an entire collected works DVD set. Like this is right in my alley. I love coffee. I don't like dying. Bingo bango I'm going to live forever. I mean sure this was clearly an 'article' paid for by Starbucks but so what! I drink 6 cups of coffee before 7am on the regular. Everyone telling me that caffeine is bad for you, your breath smells like death blah blah blah. Well the jokes on you now suckers! Because while I may have brown teeth I'm also being turned into Highlander one cup at a time!

PS: I can't remember when I started 'liking' coffee but I didn't drink a sip of it until my sophmore year at Stevens Point. I remember our college radio station was doing it's trivia contest and some coffee joint in the area donated free coffee all weekend. So I was trying to stay awake during this marathon weekend and decided to give it a shot. Loaded it up with 31 packs of sugar and 5 shots of creamer and was hooked immediately. Problem was that after downing 17 of those bad boys our staff got a PBR keg to celebrate at the end of the contest. So in my stomach I had 2 gallons of coffee and 2 gallons of beer swishing around. I've never tried cocaine but I'd imagine it felt something like that. Also I think I may have been legally dead for 11 minutes in the bathroom the next day.

Double PS: I knew Spano was weak!

I wonder if Caleb Hanie had to take over halfway through the walk to get the dog home.

PS: I do love Packer fans acting disgusted about this on Facebook this morning. "A Packer would NEVER do this!" Wait....

Life seems okay for Bryce Harper these days huh? 19 years old, already playing professional baseball, just hit his first Major League home run, is all over Sportscenter, and then he moonlights at UFC events taking pictures with Playboy Playmates. Like if that's not a genuine smile of 'holy balls my life rocks!' then I don't know what is. And wasn't this the kid that was on the cover of Sports Illustrated like 2 or 3 years ago because his parents decided to take him out of his senior year of high school to play baseball somewhere and get ready for the draft? I think at the time I thought 'well I don't care if you don't go to college but you should probably finish high school blah blah blah.' Well this picture doesn't do much to support that theory does it? He looks real concerned about not having his GED. Pretty much the worst 'stay in school' ad of all time. Just goes to show you that being a baseball player is better than living in the real world 1000 times out of 100. And kids if you have to drop out to do it then so be it. The more you knowwwwwww!

AP: Two parent chaperones at a Colorado high school prom sprayed Lysol on students engaged in “dirty dancing” and called several teenage girls “sluts” for making it appear “they were advertising sex,” according to cops. Officer Scott Stone, who was working a security detail at the prom, told investigators that he had spoken with Farmer and Rockey after arriving at the dance around 8 PM. He recalled that the chaperones–who were dressed in combat boots, military fatigues, and military undershirt–noted that “some of the kids were becoming disruptive and were being explicit while dancing.” As detailed by police, several teenagers told officers that the chaperones subsequently deployed the Lysol, which got into the eyes and mouths of some dancers (some of whom had to leave the prom).

I've got a question; does this school want 'dirty dancing' at prom or does it not? Because from what I can tell these two chaperone's just about did the impossible and actually put an end to grinding at a high school prom. Seriously read that again. What's their next trick, stopping the sun from shining tomorrow? Maybe turn Al Queda into the next Peace Corps? I mean what did the administration expect them to do? You tasked two people with limiting 'MTV' style dancing at prom. What's the old saying? You can't make an omelette without cracking a few eggs? Well you can't keep two teenagers no-no swimsuit parts seperated at prom without spraying potentially toxic cleaner in their face and eyes. If it were as easy as a lecture then you wouldn't need chaperones. But we all saw how well the ol' Bible thumping guilt-trip worked for John Lithgow. Before you know it your daughter's rebelling and there's only one degree of seperation between her and Kevin Bacon. So spare me the righteous indignation about 'verbal abuse' and 'assault.' You made your bed now lie in it.

PS: How impossible is it to stop exlicit dancing at prom? I think even your's truly got down and dirty at my senior prom. In fact I think I even have some video of it; cue the music!

Reason #324232 why the internet is great: a random 5 second video on youtube can make your day. Like when I got to the page for this video I didn't expect much. 5 second run time. Little league game. What could happen that would justify 300,000 views? Then you watch maybe the greatest called 3rd strike of all time. Just getting his Enrico Palazzo on out there. I'm honestly not sure how you couldn't laugh out loud at this guy. I clicked replay no less than 17 times after my first viewing. So simple. It works on so many levels.

PS: Was that Brooks Conrad taking a 3rd strike looking? Seriously my man, not going to help that .000 batting average by taking strikes right down the middle in the 9th last night. Like it takes a special kind of incompetant for me to beg for the return of a guy currently batting .160, but Brooks is making it happen one strikeout at a time. Hell I think I'd take Brooks Kieschnick over Brooks Conrad at present. 

Double PS: First Brooks Kieschnick reference in 6 years mimimum and there's a strong chance it's the last time he's blogged about ever. In fact I had to google him just to make sure he wasn't a figment of my imagination. Like we really had a middle relief pitcher who pinch hit in the 9th inning of games. That happened. And today his Wiki page views went up 1,000%.

I mean is there a better marketing sceme out there right now? Let's get the two hottest (entendre intended) Wisconsin sports stars hanging out and cut new commercials for the Crew. It's gold Jerry! Gold! Don Draper himself couldn't have come up with a better idea. And now they're opening a restaurant together? You think that will be a success? They could serve only hot pockets made in a dirty microwave and people will be in a line to spend $10 a piece. Rodgers and Braun so hot right now. Rodgers and Braun.

PS: My buddy Danny posted a picture of an Aaron Rodgers Brewers jersey he bought. I tried to find it again but I'm pretty sure it violated some sort of indecent material Facebook policy. Friggin Zuckerberg. Anyway that's how you know you've made it as a mega start when people are buying your jersey for a sport you don't even play. Herb Kohl would be wise to market an Aaron Rodgers Bucks jersey. Would be the highest selling jersey in Bucks history and may single handedly pay for a new arena. 

Given that my job involves scouring the bowels of the internet for hilarious videos the fact that this slipped by me brings me great shame. Like is this for real from 2009? I saw this randomly linked to a DUI story and thought it had to have happened yesterday. Nope. 2009. While I was blogging about Ken Macha being awful or the facemask that wasn't in the '09 Wild Card game this gem slipped through my radar undetected. I feel like I let Strange Brew Nation down (well maybe more like a state....or city....unincorporated). This must be what Shaun Marcum felt like after he got throttled in game 6 last year. I regret every insult I hurled your way Shaun.

Now with that out of the way this may be my favorite drunk video of all time. Like this is better than any thriller movie that has come out in the past decade. I was on the edge of my seat for the entire time! The will! The determination! Honestly I thought he was dead to rights at the 2:45 mark when he looked like a turle flipped on it's shell in Mario. But against all odds he got up, brushed himself off and continued his quest. The whole thing kind of reminded me of the Jordan flu game in the '97 Finals. If Gatorade doesn't cut a new commercial featuring this dude it's a major marketing misfire. If anyone exemplifies 'Win From Within' it's this bro.

PS: My sneaky favorite part of this is when he smoothes his hair out at 3:23 mark. Nothing better than being drunk and thinking you've got the world fooled. 'Alright be cool man, be cool, just gotta get to the checkout line, I don't think anyone knows we've been drinking since 6am...'

If this video isn't distributed to everyone in the Brewer's locker room not named 'Braun' or 'Lucroy' on the day off today it is an absolute shame. Yesterday had to be rock bottom right? Because I'd rather lose games 23-2 than to lose a 2-1 game at home where your pitcher maybe threw his best career game and we still couldn't win. I mean is Zack Greinke kidding me? 8 innings; no runs; 11 strikeouts and no walks. Oh and a no desicion. Frieking unbelieveable. And this is precisely what the Crew has been waiting for! We've got a great staff and yet we own the second worst ERA in the National League! We've been desperate for a start like this and then it comes around and we still manage to take an L. This would be like if you were homeless and starving and Jared from Subway wandered up to you with a 5 dollar meatball footlong and you passed on it because you don't like marinara. Simply stunning. I mean it's been a frustrating year so far to be sure but yesterday I was actually upset to the point where I almost went to the gym to work out some frustration. How dare you almost make me exercise Brewers! Good thing I save that for the truly heartbreaking losses. The Rose Bowl defeats, or the NLCS elimination games. Hell I think I was in the gym for 6 days after 4th and 26. But if I worked out after every frustrating Brewers loss from 1993 until now I'd be on a Bowflex commercial. This Cubs series has to be a turnaround. We're 13-18 now; our low point last year was 13-19 and we still won 96 games but again, are we going to have a 27-5 stretch without Prince and with a DL list a mile long. And I'm not talking about just winning the series this weekend, we need a sweep to start this thing back in the right direction. I mean if you look at the standings this morning we're in last place tied with the Cubs. Clean it up Brewers.

PS: How the hell old is Derek Jeter? I think this episode orginally aired in like 1996? Like there are some player's now who weren't even alive when Seinfeld went on the air and Jeter made a cameo in an episode.

Double PS: If you needed more proof that chicks dig athletes look no farther than Jeter. Google 'women Derek Jeter has dated' and then factor in that he rocked a fade haircut until like 2010. Only a stud athlete pulls that move off. Normal people had to stop getting fades in 1998. In a way I respect it though. If I had 3,000 hits and 5 World Series rings I'd be still rocking a bowl cut right in people's faces and there isn't a thing they could say about it.

Cesar Izturis ladies and gentlemen! I told you to be patient! I told you the guy has major league experience! Just give him regular at bats and he'll fill in just fine for Gonzalez. Everybody pressing the panic button like they were Rain Man late for Wapner. It's baseball folks. You can't judge things on two games. Just look at what this degenerate Brewer's blogger wrote about my man Cesar yesterday:

And watching Cesar Izturis try to make an impact offensively last night may as well be the opening scene from Jigsaw in Saw VIII. Just horrifying. Again, defensively he's more than solid, but at this point we need at least a little something on the offensive side.

Hey idiot blogger; do you like apples? I mean you sound handsome and funny as hell but you couldn't be more clueless about baseball. Take a lap.

In all seriousness I was at the Incubus show in Milwaukee last night so I was getting text updates and when my buddy shot me one that said Izturis went deep I was more than sad. May as well have been on the can while people were getting free unicorn rides. The other news from yesterday before the game was that both Roenicke and Melvin got extended*. Now there were grumblings about this when it was announced on Brewer comment boards but anyone who thinks this is actually a bad move must have long term memory problems. Because while they haven't won a World Series, they have turned a pathetic franchise that was routinely mentioned in sentences with the Pirates, into a team that is competitive year in year out. Like not too long ago we spent the month of September watching triple A players audition for next year and waiting with baited breath to see is Jose Hernandez would break the strikeout record or Glendon Rusch would lose 20 games; now we chase pennants. And even though Roenicke was given WAY more talent than his predecessor, there's something to be said for doing something with it and setting a franchise record for victories in his first year.

*Giggle. Safe to say I'm not going to be asked to do a 'Product of a Catholic School Education' anytime soon.

PS: Truth be told I always kind of felt bad for Grandpa Macha. Like could that guy have walked into a worse situation? Expectations after the Wild Card in '08 were sky high mainly because of CC. CC leaves and they replace him with Braden Looper. Macha subsequently has a couple of mediocre seasons and gets fired. What happens a month after that? Trades for Marcum and Greinke. Kind of got the short end huh? This would be like giving one movie director Jack Nicholson and another one Jason Biggs and expect them both to win best picture. Poor Machs.