Man isn't this what's great about college sports? Just watching your team take down a top 10 team in the country and storming the court like the Scots at the end of Braveheart! Forming a victory circle at center court and celebrating with the player's like you just won game 7 of the NBA Finals. Or half heartedly walking down the stairs before getting stoned by 4 middle aged men and falling over like a bunch of trapped Lemmings. Either or. Seriously this has to be the most pathetic attempt at storming a court of all time right? Pretty sure you're doing it wrong when you don't even make it to the hardwood. Now I understand that these fans probably didn't walk into the arena last night thinking they were going to upset the #9 team in the country, but as the old saying goes opportunity is where preparation meets luck. Got to be ready at all times. Clean it up Pirates.
PS: The thing that would have made this video truly spectacular is if that dude that clotheslined everyone would have screamed 'NONE SHALL PASS!' like the black knight.
An Indian man got something of a shock after he checked his bank account online and discovered he had a balance of 490 billion rupees- or about $9.8 billion.
Parijat Saha, of Balurghat, had only expected to find about $200 in his account when he checked it at home on Sunday, BBC reported Wednesday. But a visit to a nearby ATM confirmed the much higher amount.
Saha called the State Bank of India to alert them to the mistake, the BBC said.
Bank officials have so far declined to comment on how the money could have ended up in Saha's account. They insist the funds were "uncleared" and could not have been withdrawn even if Saha had tried.
Bank sources have told the BBC that the bank's regional headquarters in Calcutta and national headquarters in Mumbai have been alerted and officials are trying to figure out what went wrong.
Saha, a school teacher, typically earns about $700 per month, BBC reported.
Saw this article in my show prep this morning with the 'talking point' of 'what would you do if you found 9.8 billion dollars in your bank account?' The answer to which is that I'd never know what that felt like because I'm pretty sure I've never once asked for a receipt at an ATM to see a remaining balance. Like I can't click 'no' fast enough when that question pops up after I try to withdraw money. For all I know the government could have accidently slipped me 490 billion rupees in 2002 and I'd be clueless. Because the last thing I need right now is to feel that deflated feeling of seeing a tiny slip of paper that tells me I'm broke off my ass. All of a sudden you sit there in your car and wonder where it went wrong. Maybe I should have majored in computer science, or architecture instead of spending my time on youtube and playing Edward 40 Hands in college. Maybe if I would have picked curriculum not based on whether or not that class met on Friday's but instead on where it would land me a job in the future I wouldn't be sitting at a bank playing ATM roulette to see if I can get a quick $30 from checking. Maybe I'd be living in a high rise in New York going to ATM's JUST to see my remaining balance before going home from a long day at Vandalay Industries to swim in a money vault instead of blogging for pennies on the dollar and crying myself to sleep watching Frasier re-runs on Lifetime. Before you know it I'm having a life moment at the ATM drive thru and re-assessing every misstep of my life all because I wanted to see my current balance. Pffft. No thanks. So yeah, sometimes you find out you're a billionaire when you ask to see your remaining balance, but more often than not you end up more depressed than before.
PS: The other thing I hate to think about? How much money I've wasted in my lifetime on ATM fees. I remember in college I ALWAYS withdrew money at the bar ATM. Stupid doesn't even begin to describe how stupid that is. $2 bucks gone every time. And I was never smart enough to just get $50 or $60 out the first time. I'd say to myself 'surely a $20 will do it' and before you know it I've spent the entire load on buying shots for girls that aren't going home with me. Go back and get another 20, repeat, so on and so forth. For about 3 years there the bar was my bank. Like there's a strong chance I've spent between $500 and $1,000 on ATM fees in my lifetime.
Bravo! Encore! Forget Lebron. Forget Blake. Forget Linsanity. Jewfro-bulous is what's hot in the streets! Honestly I don't know what's more impressive, these dunks or the fact that he compiled this with video effects in 1990. Like I've examined this thing like the Zapruder film and I don't see a single amateur fade, wipe or cut. Scorsese couldn't have done better. Sad that it's only being seen by the masses today. What's the old saying? Necessity is the mother of invention? Bingo. Because youtube was invented to show Jewfro-bulous to the world. I mean what did he do after he made this? Make 500,000 copies and just hand them out one by one? Seriously I know it's hard to imagine but there was a time when home movies were stored in a closet never to see the light of day in front of thousands of internet tough guys. I guess there was America's Funniest Home Videos, but that wasn't to the extent that youtube is today. Danny Tanner could only do so much. I, for one, couldn't be happier I didn't grow up in a youtube generation. But that's mainly because I was making music videos to MC Hammer and not throwing down Jam Session style on my Nerf hoop. I guess better late than never as far as Jewfro-bulous is concerned.
PS: I think I've mentioned this before but it's a Monday so let me re-heat an idea. Step 1: Get HBO or Showtime to create an entire channel to random youtube videos 24 hours a day. Step 2: Profit. And you can skip them or give them a thumbs up or thumbs down with a remote. Like youtube Pandora. No lie if there weren't commercials I could watch random youtube vids all day. Did I just re-invent television as we know it?
Double PS; The other reason I love this video is because this ginger kid could EASILY have been me back in the day. Red hair? Check. Glasses? Check. Socially awkward? Check. It's not quite as close as fast rapping pancake guy but it's close. Now do me a favor and cue the music!
George is gettin' upset! For those that missed it yesterday Brandon Jennings was put on BLAST on Milwaukee sports radio for his comments following the Bucks loss on Wednesday to the worst team in the NBA. Now losing at home to a team that had 5 total wins coming in is bad enough but here's the gem that BJ dropped afterwords:
"I can't say I've been playing hard the last couple of games....I really haven't. I need to look myself in the mirror and ask myself if this is something I'm up for."
Maybe another piece of advice from the Gospel according to Costanza for Jennings: The next time something like this crops up in your brain, do the opposite. Because telling an already dejected fanbase that it's hard for you to get up the will to play a game for millions of dollars after you lose to the worst team in the league at home is NOT a good look. Now I understand we all have bad days at work. We all have days where we'd rather be somewhere else or just sleep it away. Hell I have those days and I'm paid to listen to music and pontificate on the internet. But here's the thing, most of us aren't seeing bi-weekly paychecks with 6 figures. Sure I have a cake walk job, but I get paid in beef jerky and Big League Chew. Like if you break it down this guy gets paid $3,000 per POINT. One point in a game. 3 grand. So spare me the song and dance about how tough this is and act like you care for another season until you leave for LA. Thanks for the blog material though.
PS: Seattle got approval for a new NBA/NHL arena. Looking to bring a franchise back in 3 years. Can you say Seattle Bucks? I guess we did steal their baseball franchise so this would make it even. And although it's more likely the Kings end up there I kind of wish the Bucks would move so I could stop caring about them. I don't know what it is but I've got a "I wish I could quit you.." attitude about this franchise. Kind of like a bad relationship that is one facebook wall post from a random girl at 2am away from ending. It sucks but at the end of the day it's better for everyone.
Double PS: Ground Ball Grape Big League Chew and Watermelon Wave Bubbalicious were pound for pound the best gums of all time. Sure both lasted for about 5 seconds (that's what she said) but it was the best 5 seconds of all time (that's what he thinks).
Meet Jemima Packington, a woman who divines the future using asparagus. The world's only "Asparamancer" casts the spears in the air and reads the shapes they form when they land. She has been reading asparagus since she was a little girl and claims to have been making accurate predictions about such things as the royal family and politics."It might sound silly to some people but my readings are very accurate," she said. "I have been doing readings using asparagus since I was eight years old. My great aunt read tea leaves and I have inherited her gift."
Well folks I think I found the one person in the world that has me trumped in the 'sorriest excuse for a job that actually pays the mortgage' department. I really thought being an internet tough guy, making fun of youtube users that will never find out who I am, making fun of little girls crying when the Vikings lose, and googling images of Kate Upton for 1020 45 minutes hours put me in first place, but then I read about this Jemima Packington character this morning and all I can do is tip my cap. Like this broad straight up makes bank on throwing asparagus in the air and making up vague things about people's futures. And I'm guessing she's not making student loan payments for this occupation either. Like yeah I live a fake life with a joke job, but it cost me about $30,000 to get to where I am. The worst this Roseanne Barr looking chick has to deal with is smelly pee. +1 Asparamancer. Not to mention she's got job security for days. Without googling for an answer I'm going to go ahead and guess that Jemima is the only asparagus fortune teller in the world. Which also makes her the best asparagus fortune teller in the world. Can you say you're the best in the WORLD at what you do? For sure not. So while some may belittle her career path, you won't see a stone coming from this hand.
PS: This is another reason why I LOATH the Occupy Wallstreet movement. Whaaaaaa there's no jobs whaaaaaaa I want the money you made whaaaaaaaa. Oh there's no jobs? Well Jemima Packington just made up a job in your eye. When life gives you lemons make lemonade. When life gives you an unemployment rate of 10% invent a job where you throw asparagus in the air and make money on people's stupidity. America.
Double PS: I don't know why but before I saw her picture this is exactly what I thought an asparamancer would look like and I'd never even heard of an asparamancer until 10 minutes ago.
To quote one of the great philosophers of our time Jacke Chiles, they're real, and they're spectacular! Honestly I was pondering whether or not to post this when it was released a couple of days ago. Not in blog form necessarily, but I did have a pithy facebook status update and the picture ready to post on B93's facebook page. But just as I was about to click 'update' my brain thought, 'somebody is going to be upset about this and make a stink about it.....also you're out of Captain Crunch....don't to buy some later.....captain crunch captain crunch captain crunch captain crunch...there now I should remember.' And so instead of dealing with the fun police I did what any good radio DJ does when material could potentially be suggestive, I waited until another station posted it first so that I could throw them under the bus if I got in trouble. Life 101 kids. I know Ricky Bobby taught us that if you're not first you're last, but in this instance 'last' also means 'employed.' Which brings us to this morning when one of our company's sister station's put this photo on the station facebook page with some caption that I didn't read because Kate Upton put my brain on screen saver. So I thought to myself, 'alright, now let's see if anything bad happens on the comment section.' I walk downstairs to my office, bring up facebook and the picture is gone from my news feed. Swallowed up like Atlantis or something. I do notice that it still exists in their profile picture feed so I click on it there and sure enough people were getting their panties in a bunch because 'kids use facebook' and 'this content is not appropriate to some of the people that like this station.' Ummmmmm what? Am I on earth anymore? You mean the cover of a magazine that exists in EVERY Wal-Mart, ShopKo, Walgreens and CVS. You mean the cover that was released on NATIONAL TV? Seriously forget about the economy and the jobless rate, this is what's wrong with our country. The loudest voice with the minority opinion wins out because they threw the biggest fit. Not to mention this is the internet we're talking about. THIS is what you're worried about as a parent on the internet? The internet is a lawless wasteland of questionable content. It's like a virtual Lord of the Flies where anything goes. The above picture looks like Sunday church compared to what you can find with a simple Google search. I've heard. So everyone needs to pump their brakes a little bit on the PC culture. Pictures like this are why George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and Hacksaw Jim Duggan fought for our independence and invented the internet.
PS: I will say this is exhibit A of why I am HORRIFIED of having a daughter one day. Like yeah she's making a ton of money on the cover of a national magazine, but there's just no way you can get a good night's sleep knowing that internet tough guys like me are staring at your daughter in a bikini all day.
Double PS: And in the interest of being fair to the ladies, even though we DID publish the Clay Matthews shirtless Muscle and Fitness cover, enjoy:
If this video doesn't sum up what is awesome about this 'holiday' when you're younger I don't know what does. Minus the Sandusky moment from the Revolting Blob at the end. But elementary school Valentine's Day is probably the top throw-away day on the academic calendar. Halloween's up there, half day before Christmas is a big one too, but Valentine's Day was IT. Handing out your themed Valentine's to everyone. Saving the suggestive/sappiest one for the girl you had a crush on, watch a Charlie Brown Valentine Day, fill out a Valentine's Day worksheet so it looks like you had a semi productive day, and head home to slip into a diabetic coma that Wilfred Brimley would make Wilfred Brimley tip his cap. So enjoy those days while you can, because it gets lamer in middle school, lamer yet in high school, in college it's just an excuse to get drunk, and when you get older you house a bottle of red before facebook creeping your exes and crying yourself to sleep. Peter Pan your life kids.
PS: I searched my ass off (read, had to click on the second 'O' in a google search) for this but I found it. My go to every Valentine's Day were the old NFL tear-away valentine's. Saved Phil Simms here for the girl I really had a crush on because of the inneundo:
Get it? Score? Put one of these puppies with some Valentine's M&M's taped to the back and sit back like I was Hasselhoff in his prime. Power move.
Double PS: Working at Walgreens was a pretty entertaining night on Valentine's Day as well. We closed at 9pm, so between 8:50 and 9:01 was like watching an extreme sport. Bro's running in, going to the card aisle, candy aisle, and checkout like Sonic the Hedgehog. Felt bad for those very last guy's though. Ended up with a box of Russell Stover nuts and chews and a Bat Mitzvah card because everything else was gone. Mazel tov honey!
"I am going to keep my options open, knowing that the time is coming up,'' Jennings said in an email interview. "I'm doing my homework on big-market teams.''
Jennings, 22, is in his third NBA season and will be eligible to sign a long-term contract extension with Milwaukee this summer. Jennings can become an unrestricted free agent in 2014 if he signs a qualifying offer after next season.
Jennings' exciting style of play has invigorated the Bucks' fan base, and Milwaukee's management views him as a building block. But the point guard is not ready to commit to the franchise long-term.
"It has nothing to do with the city of Milwaukee or anything like that because that's where I started my career,'' Jennings said. "They've been nothing but good to me. (Coach) Scott Skiles and (general manager) John Hammond have been good to me. It's just that I'm understanding the business of basketball now.''
'I'm just understanding the business of basketball.' Read: If I ever want to win a championship or make bank on major endorsements I've got to get the hell out of Milwaukee at the first opportunity. I mean to say I'm not shocked by this would be a massive understatement. This article may as well have been titled 'water found to be wet' or 'sun rises in the east' or 'Jon Henseler hides John Mayer in his Work Out playlist.' Pretty obvious stuff. And I know a lot of Bucks fans were upset about this on Friday but can anyone honestly blame him? I am a DIE HARD Bucks fan through and through but even I'm willing to accept that I'm just as likely to see a a parade of unicorns on hoverboards as I am of seeing a Bucks championship parade down 4th Street. So if winning a championship is the ultimate goal, and you're a talented player, why would you stay in Milwaukee? It'd be like asking Brooklyn Decker to model in Sears catalogs her whole life. It doesn't do her any good and it doesn't do the rest of us any good. Even if Bogut ever has a full healthy season it still won't be enough to get this team into the top tier of the East. And with all of these super teams forming in LA and Miami and Chicago the only real answer is to just contract the NBA down to about 20 teams so every roster is choke full of all stars and the league becomes competitive again. Otherwise teams like Milwaukee, Charlotte, Toronto, Sacramento and New Orleans will always just wallow in mediocrity. Doesn't help that we traded the ONE superstar that actually wanted to be here more than 10 years ago. #jesusshuttlesworth
PS: The other reason I post this is because Chris Broussard should be fined for irresponsible journalism. 'Invigorated the Bucks fan base'? Bro there's more energy at retirement center canasta game than there is at the Bradley Center. Hell when the Bulls were in town a few Saturday's ago I was shocked they didn't just put a Bulls logo at mid-court and play their player intro music.
Double PS: Is it possible the NBA has declined in popularity because of one theme song? I was on a bus trip with a college team I call games for the other day (they've asked to remain anonymous) and one of the players put in a DVD of the Bulls/Lakers NBA Finals with the old NBA on NBC theme. Thing just put me in a better mood. How ABC didn't buy the rights to that when they bought the rights to the NBA is a case for Unsolved Mysteries.
No joke this guy should win an Academy Award for this video. Like when I saw this video was viral I clicked on it, immediately saw it was almost 9 minutes long and almost bailed because I didn't have time for it. Luckily my subconscious caught up to me and made me realize that it's not like curing cancer was on my list of things to do for the next 9 minutes. So I locked in for the full 8:23 and was NOT disappointed. To say this guy has dad of the year wrapped up is a massive understatement. I mean this has to be a parent's dream right? Just pulling an Office Space printer on your son or daughter's computer? I understand that parenting in any generation has it's problems, but I'd venture a guess that my parents are pretty pleased I was on the very fringe of the internet thing. Worst thing they had to worry about was my a/s/l-ing chicks on AOL chat rooms. Now you've got underage drinking party pictures, poking, sexting and whatever else is going on out there. Well not on my man's watch. Just busting a round in his daughter's laptop like it ain't no thing. And how crazy does Hannah have to be to be calling out her pop? Listen sweetheart, when dad's got a .45 on his hip and puts out cigarettes with his fingers, might be time to pump the brakes on the facebook rants about your first world problems. Just a thought.
PS: In a weird way I still identify a bit with Hannah. I think we all go through that phase when we're 15? I remember I thought I had a BRUTAL life because I had to go to school AND work a 4 hour shift at Walgreens two nights a week. Lay off me Mom and Dad! I had to sleep through study hall and make polite discourse with elderly customers wanting rain checks for prunes! You don't know what it's like!
Double PS: If I ever have kids I'm going to have to deactivate my Facebook right? Can't have your 10 year old creepin' my facebook and seeing picture tags from house parties in 2003. Kind of takes the salt out of the whole 'can't drink or do drugs' argument when dad's in the middle of a keg stand.
Get a load of this Craig Williams guy trying to magic up a Yankee trade for Ryan Braun through the majesty of blog rumor. Hey I ain't mad at him. What's the old saying? Let those among us without sin cast the first stone? Well let those among us who haven't tried to talk ourselves into a massive trade happening pin a scarlett letter on Craig Williams' blog. Hell in this year alone on this blog I've claimed that the Bucks are contenders, that Prince is going to stay in Milwaukee, and that Ryan Braun has the herp. Actually I sort of feel like Craig Williams and I are bizarro world bloggers. Same delusional dreams and long winded blogs, and kick ass facial hair. Only he's a Yankee fan and I'm a Brewer fan. I'm slightly more pale too. Slightly.
So while I can see why the Yankees, or any team for that matter, would want to add Ryan Braun's bat, there's probably a better shot of Michael Bay directing a romantic comedy than anything like this happening. Plus if you read his blog he claims that 2012 is a lost season for the Crew. And while that's true to an extent, it's also true that the NL Central is flat out BRUTAL. Like the NFC West of Major League Baseball. We've got the best rotation in the division and it's not even a debate. The Braun suspension means a lot, but I think either way 85 wins will take the division and I expect the Brewers to be right there. But here's my question for Brewer fans; excluding minor league players, what present day stars would make you THINK about trading Ryan Braun. Like let's say the Yankees offered CC and Granderson up for Braun and a prospect, if you're Doug Melvin do you think about it? Or Seattle offers Felix Hernandez and an old Ichiro for Braun? I dunno. Interesting question though. See that?! All of a sudden the Brewers are about to trade Braun for an entire roster of all stars! I can play this game too baby!
PS: Nothing I love more than buying a new sports video game and LOADING my team up with ridiculous trades that would never happen in real life. I think at one point last year I had Granderson, Ellsbury, Braun, Fielder, and Jose Bautista as my 1 through 5. Made trades for CC, Verlander and Halladay. Gallardo was pushed to middle relief my starters were so good. Basically had to close up shop on my AA and AAA teams, and put the team in such financial disrepair that Bernie Madoff would cringe. But whatever, I'm only playing one season, I don't have to worry about what happens the next season. Like Brian Cashman in real life.
Now I realize I'm a little late to the game on this one but that's because Jimmy Kimmel is on at like midnight and I can't stay up past 10 anymore if my life depended on it. Like Kimmel could have naked supermodels on every night in HD for 90 minutes and I'd miss it every night. He may as well be broadcasting from Melmac as far as I'm concerned. But I feel pretty comfortable saying that this is the most dangerous stunt every pulled off in the history of television. Forget all of that Fear Factor stuff with people drinking donkey semen (true story) or any of the antics Tom Green used to try and those Jackass guys took to the next level. This outweighs them all. Because if the Packers were playing in the Super Bowl and defending a hail mary at the end that could lose it for them, or throwing a hail mary at the end that could win it for them, and someone pulled the TV cord that person is dead. Literally/figuratively. And could you imagine if you were watching the game with a degenerate gambler and you pulled this move? Curtains. The fact that Kimmel is still on the air and these videos only ended with mild violence is a flat out MIRACLE. I've got a better shot of blogging in Latin tomorrow than I do of explaining how none of these videos looked like the end of Scarface. Pretty sure not a court in the world would convict you of anything either! 'Your honor I was watching the Super Bowl and as Mason Crosby was lining up for a game winning kick my TV was purposefully unplugged.' You'd have kids running out of the court room screaming 'INNOCENT, HE'S INNOCENT' like I was Carl Lee at the end of A Time to Kill.
PS: Remember Tom Green? I was watching the Top 40 TRL moments on VH1 Saturday morning (because the flip side of not being able to stay awake past 10 is being up at 7am on the weekend) and they had him in the top 10. Like I totally forgot about that guy. For about 2 years there he owned the world. Hosting his own show with Glenn Humplink, making cameo's in Road Trip, marrying Drew Barrymore, and owning the #1 song in the country with The Bum Bum Song. Think about that; The Bum Bum Song was #1 IN THE COUNTRY. Eat your heart out Lennon!
Double PS: Some kid in high school used to call me 'Humplink' when the Tom Green show was hot in the streets. I don't see the resemblance:
Question:Sexier picture; the above photo, or this one:
Because if you told me I could only keep one for the rest of my life it would be a coin flip. And that coin would have tails on both sides. And tails would be Rodgers.
So in case you missed it Aaron Rodgers pulled down the league's MVP award on Saturday night. Just adding another line to that Canton resume like it ain't no thing. Breaking the all time quarterback rating mark for a season, breaking every individual Packer passing record and making me change my car insurance to State Farm, my banking to Associated and even making me get in a hit and run so I could call David Gruber. Yawn. Just another day. I guess I'm not sure what else I can type about the guy other than he put on a real life game of Madden this year. Sure everyone would have rather been watching him sling touchdowns in the Super Bowl on Sunday but the Packers learned what the Brewers learned this year and that is that defense and momentum matter more than who has the best players when the playoffs hit. And to say Rodgers has come a LONG way since draft day in 2005 is a massive understatement. If you would have told me 7 years ago on draft day that in 2012 I'd be writing bi-weekly Aaron Rodgers Penthouse forum style blogs I would have told you you're crazy and asked if we're any closer to hoverboards in 2012 before Yahoo!-ing what a blog is. Bottom line is since Rodgers took over as the starter in 2008 he's got a Super Bowl ring, Super Bowl MVP and NFL MVP to his name. Anyone who can prove they saw that coming in 2005 gets a free subscription to Strange Brew for life.
PS: There is nothing and I mean NOTHING hotter than women who wear sports parafanilia. Give me a girl in a Brewers jersey over a girl in a halter top any day of the week and twice on Sunday. See Front Row, Amy.
