« Strange Brew

5 year old with girlfriend problems takes over the internet.

by Jon Henseler

How about this little George Clooney in training! Gotta say I'm a little jealous of this bro. He's got three girlfriends at one time at the age of 5 and I've barely had 3 girlfriends in my entire life at 29. And that total is counting a girl (probably 55 year old man) that I chatted with on AOL in chat-rooms for a couple of weeks when I was 14*. So, yeah, after I watched this video I was a tad demoralized that a 5 year old has more game than me. But then I realized that this kid is also having his life force sucked out of him by girls at a VERY young age. Like when you're 5 the only reason you should sound as sad as this little boy is when it rains during recess or you realize all you have left in your Lucky Charms box is dry cereal. So my advice to this kid is to tell all three girls to take a hike for the next decade and let him enjoy his youth. He's got the rest of his life to have girls run his world. For now he needs to be slinging Nerf footballs and chugging Ecto Coolers with his boys. Follow that plan little man and in about 25 years you too could be unmarried and living the lavish life of an adult man-child who runs an internet blog while his degree goes to waste and his parents realize they might be living the movie Failure to Launch without the pithy dialog. On second thought.....

*In a world of Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook and Tinder, kids these days will NEVER realize the spike in your heart rate when an AOL chat room 'private message' screen pops up after an a/s/l check.

PS: One thing this kid does have right is his last sentence. Wish I was 4 again. You have no idea how right you are there you little sage. Don't worry most of the next 15 years will be pretty solid but you'll be surprised how much you'll be muttering that to yourself once college is over.

Double PS: If he's insistent on keeping two of these three girlfriends and they are as pretty as he says it sounds like a lightening round of eenie-meenie-miney-mo is in order.