« Strange Brew

72 ounce steak taken down in 2 minutes and 44 seconds.

by Jon Henseler

To quote Forrest Gump; 'I am not a smart man, but I know what love is.' Ding ding ding! Look I didn't expect to fall in love this morning with some girl named Molly eating a steak in Portland, Oregon but here we are. Because right around the 2:15 mark of this video while Molly was halfway through this monstrosity and a pool of blood was collecting on her plate, I felt it. Felt it all the way down in my plums. So without further adieu, I'd like to ask Molly for her hand in internet marriage. With your ability to house steaks and my ability to make vague pop culture references to your accomplishments, there's no telling what we can conquer. 

Also I'd like to be a man and say I could finish a 72 oz steak but truth me told I'm not great at eating mass quantities of food in a timed environment. I once ordered a tremendous 12 at Perkins on a date and only got through the pancakes. Most emasculating moment of my life and that's saying something. All that said, if I'm drunk I could absolutely demolish Molly in a Topperstix challenge. Nothing and I mean NOTHING goes down easier than Topperstix at 3am. One dip Nacho, one dip ranch. Maybe even slather some Skippy peanut butter on there. I have the palette of a woman who is 7 months pregnant when I've been drinking.

PS: We need Molly taking on the ol' 96er and we needed it yesterday.

Double PS: Say what you will about tu4eva4 but don't say he doesn't understand flirting.