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9 beers that could go the way of the Dodo Bird

by Jon Henseler

So some site (that will read as 'site, some' on my official bibliography) came out with 9 beers that may be deader than Manya* because Americans are no longer drinking them. And to say the list is depressing is an understatement. Not only are some of these beers still in regular rotation for me, but many of them harness a ton of sentimental value. I guess overall the beer drinking industry is down and most experts are blaming the recession but if there were ever a recession proof item I would think beer is it. I'll tell you what the problem is are all the micro brews and IPA's and whatnot. Look say what you will about me but I'll always take cheap, crappy beer over IPA's that cost $10 for a 6 pack and taste like a box of melted down dirty crayons. If that makes me unrefined so be it. And don't get me wrong, those beers have a place, different strokes for different folks. I've got a ton of cake-eater friends that dig those strange brews (see what I did there?). They look at me like I'm a barbarian if I offer up a Natty Light. But that's what I dig. My name is Jon and I have the beer palette of a 20 year old homeless vagrant. So without further adieu, here's the list of 9 beers you might not see anymore. So stock up while you can!

#9: Labatt Blue. Honestly I think I've maybe had 2 of these in my life. I once bought (read: found) Labatt Blue pint glasses and drank other beer out of them but that's about it. Either way I'm not sure the folks at Labatt Blue care too much. America's Hat is more their market.

#8: Budweiser. Like classic Bud Heavy might be dunzo. Stunning stuff there. I guess with the carb and calorie conscious world we live in that 'regular' beers are probably suffering heavy (HEYO!) losses. Just seems crazy that an American icon could be gone. Now I don't drink a lot of Bud but that's only because of the Cardinal connection. If we're in the trust tree I actually like Bud Light better than Miller Lite but I can't get beyond them being the sponsor of Tony La Russa's stupid face for so many years. So for that reason alone I go with Miller Lite. Gotta support the team.

#7: Heineken Light. I don't mind a Heineken from time to time but I've literally never had a single Heineken Light.

#6: Milwaukee's Best Light. This one hits hard. Beast Light could be off the market. Neck and neck with Natty Ice as the beer I drank the most in dirty basements across Stevens Point from 2002-2006. Do you know how many hot girls I almost talked to under the influence of Beast Light? Literally thousands. 

#5: Old Milwaukee. Another hurtful entry. At a bar called 'The Outfit' in Point they used to sell 32 ounces of Ol Mil' for a buck. Easily the most cost effective beer I'll ever have. Also if you ever go to The Outfit, look behind the bar and you'll see I was apart of a Wednesday night bowling team that they sponsored. Won 2nd place in 2006. NBD.

#4: MGD. Another original. I honestly don't even see this served at bars anymore. It's all Miller 64. If you drink Miller 64 that's all I need to know about you as a person. Because I drink it and I know what kind of person I am.

#3: Milwaukee's Best Premium. No clue there was an 'original' here. Beast Light and Beast Ice.

#2: Bud Select. Oh NOOOOOO! Said no one.

#1: Michelob Light. Not shocking at all that this makes the list. Weird bottle, terrible beer. The ONLY time I ever drank Michelob was when that Michelob Ultra stuff came out and I was in a case race. Thought the low carb/calorie combo would help me win. Not only did it not, I've suffered ridicule for the rest of my life from the other people in attendance because I purchased it. I will forever wear the Michelob scarlet letter.

*Next level Seinfeld referencing.