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Brother stabs brother over lost Mac and Cheese.

by Jon Henseler

DELTONA, Fla. (AP)— Authorities say two Florida brothers got into a tussle over missing macaroni and cheese that ended with one stabbing the other in the stomach.

Volusia County Sheriff's deputies say 47-year-old Edward Zipperer spilled a beer belonging to his 49-year-old brother Randy Zipperer while looking for the missing mac and cheese. That set off an argument inside the Deltona home that led to the older brother stabbing the younger one.

According to theDaytona Beach News-Journal, Randy Zipperer told deputies he didn't mean to hurt his brother, adding he just "poked him a little with the knife."

Edward Zipperer had a small puncture wound. Deputies recovered a 6-inch knife with blood on the tip.

Randy Zipperer remained in the Volusia County Jail early Friday. He faces an aggravated battery charge. 

I'm warning you right now....if you touch my mac and cheese I will STAB YOU IN THE NECK!

First of all let me state this as clearly as I can, if you're Randy Zipperer and you're still living with your brother and you're both almost 50, that's a stabbing waiting to happen. Like this wasn't a matter of 'if' but 'when' someone went Sons of Anarchy and shanked the other. This article was pre-written, just waiting to see if Randy stabbed Edward or vice versa.

That said I think my favorite line in the history of brother stabbing stories comes from Randy when he says he just poked him a little. Classic oversell/undersell situation. Anyone who has ever had a brother or sister knows how this works. No matter how minor your injury is you always make it sound like it was basically pre-meditated murder. And no matter how bad the injury you dealt was you always act like they're acting like a baby. Hey Edward! You just got poked a little. Grow up.

PS: The fact that the brand of mac and cheese isn't mentioned in this article is an egregious journalism error.