« Strange Brew

News Anchor Accidentally Eats Cat Puke on the Air

by Jon Henseler

I've got a serious question for Scot 'with one t' Haney here. Why is the name of Christ would you ever, EVER, admit to this and then tweet it out later? Got to be one of those 'no publicity is bad publicity' things? Because I'll tell you this much, when you're trying to be cute on the air and eat Grape Nuts off the floor and then realize it's actually cat puke, you keep that information with you until you die. That's day 1 stuff in the cat-puke eating community. So with that in mind and with Haney's blatant dismissal of the cat puke-eating rules, I have to think this is him thinking he's going to get a big break. Just sitting at his one bedroom apartment with his cat one day trying to think of ways to make it big. Sees a mess of cat puke on the floor and thinks to himself, 'Scot, it's 2013, you've got to do something to differentiate yourself form other anchors....what could I do....ah ha! I'll eat some cat puke on the air!' Well you may have fooled the rest of the internet but not me. Enjoy your 15 minutes of internet fame you weirdo. You'll never be Grape Lady . 

And on the off chance that this was an honest mistake, I'll tell you where Scot went wrong. Not by eating random crap off the ground like a barbarian. I do that all the time. But it was in owning a cat period*. Cue the Swanson.

*Just kidding cat owners. Cat's are great. We have fun here.

PS: There's a strong chance that that really was Grape Nuts anyway. Anytime I eat Grape Nuts I think 'this must be what cat puke tastes like. Grape Nuts suck.