« Strange Brew

So poopsenders.com is a real thing.

by Jon Henseler

Stumbled upon this while reading another blog and figured I'd steal it and blog about it myself since there are no internet copyright laws (?). To say this is amazing is an understatement. Friggin' technology man. Back in the day if you wanted poop revenge you had to go out there and find some poop yourself. Now you're just a few mouse clicks away from sending a gallon of gorilla poop to your most hated enemy! The only question is who is getting a care package from me first. I feel like the king in Braveheart 'whom do I send....whom do I send.' Right off the top of my head, four people come to mind,

1. Freddie Mitchell, the instigator in 4th and 26. If there was ever a team of destiny that got eliminated in the 2nd round of the playoffs, it was that Packer team. Then Freddie friekin' Mitchell gets 27 yards on 4th and 26 and drops a discount double check in our eye for good measure. Truth be told it should probably be Ed Donatell getting a gallon of elephant crap here, but Mitchell still irritates me to this day. Maybe a quart for Ed and a quart for Freddie? Bingo.

2. Lance Easley, the instigator of simultaneuous possession. No explanation needed here. The fact that tickets for the Seahawk/Packer PRESEASON game are going for hundreds of dollars should tell you how bitter people are with him. Combo poop pack city; population Easley.

3. The Ultimate Warrior. When he pinned Hogan at Wrestlemania 6 it was a traumatizing moment for a young Jonathan. I learned that heroes can be beat, and dreams don't come true at too young of an age. I didn't hate Warrior though, just loved Hogan. Only a quart of cow dung should do the trick.

4. Old Man Clemens. Because he hates sh!t.

PS: I'm 4 minutes away from legitimately sending myself a $17 pile of poop to confirm that this thing works.