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Team America gets tie with Portugal after heartbreaking last second goal.

by Jon Henseler

This about sums it up. 'If you tried to end a game in a tie in the United States, heck that might be listed in Revelations as the cause for the Apocalypse.' Preach! Just absolute heartbreak* for Team U.S.A. last night against Portugal after the Portuguese scored a goal with literally about 20 seconds in extra time left. 20 frieking seconds from being in the knockout round. Which from what I can gather is a lot like advancing to the Sweet 16 in March Madness? I dunno, I honestly have very little idea how the World Cup works and I'm too lazy for a simple Google search. Either way it was devastating** when it looked like the 'W' was signed, sealed and delivered with a Clint Dempsey goal he scored with his Pedro .

So I guess the scenarios now look like this: If Ghana and Portugal tie on Thursday, both the U.S. and Germany are in. If either Ghana or Portugal win, the U.S. needs a win or tie against Germany. But if I'm reading this correctly, if the U.S. and Germany tie, no matter what happens in the Ghana/Portugal match, the Americans and Germans are in. So I'm not sure why the we don't just sign a gentlemen's agreement to kick the ball around at midfield for 90 minutes with no one going on the attack. Or, in layman's terms, a we'll agree to play a soccer match (boom roasted).

*They say you can tell a lot about how invested you are in a team by how long it takes you to get over a tough loss (or tie but let's be honest that was a loss). Like I just started watching Wild hockey this season and I finally felt like a true fan when, after a tough playoff loss, I couldn't sleep for a few hours. When the Brewers lost in the NLCS in 2011 it took me until about mid-November to shake the sting. I just got over the Packers loss in Super Bowl 32 last Thanksgiving. Last night after the match wrapped up I flipped on a repeat of Bar Rescue and was past it before Taffer's first 'SHUT IT DOWN!'