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The accommodations for the Sochi Olympics look cozy!

by Jon Henseler

(No poop fishing?! Let a man live!)(also free subscription to Strange Brew for whoever can explain what's happening in the lower right hand graphic)

Russia coming in hot in advance of the Winter Olympics! I'll give Putin this, all anyone can talk about is Russia and there hasn't been a single competition yet. Ever hear of a thing called 'no publicity is bad publicity?' Bingo. So the beds are a little tight. So you have to have a poop partner. So the water looks like flat, orange All Sport. So you can't flush toilet paper and you have to put it in a waste basket (is that weird in a public bathroom? I'm asking for a friend....). So the water might burn your face off Ark of the Covenant style if you use it to wash your face. So a peas, corn, marmalade breakfast is a little out of the ordinary. Newsflash folks: you're not in a first world country anymore! 

In all seriousness this has been a PR DISASTER for Russia so far. Outside of the above pictures of the labor campy accommodations, there are hundreds or reports of stray animals being rounded up and killed as well as widespread violence targeting gay people. What I don't get is hasn't Putin known that they'd be hosting the Winter Olympics for like half a decade? It isn't like the IOC just called him last minute in January being like 'Vladimir! You are going to LAUUUGHHHH comrade. So we have the Winter Olympics coming up, and wouldn't you know it, we forgot to book a location!' Like they've had forever and a day to get this figured out. Ever heard of the Truman Show Vladimir? I honestly think they should just bring in Ed Harris to get this ship righted STAT.

PS: I would LOVE to see one of those Beats by Dre commercials with Putin. People screaming at him about his human rights record, violence against animals....Putin just puts on his Beats 'I'm the man, I'm the man I'm the maaaannnnn.'

Double PS: 24% chance I'm dead by tomorrow for writing this blog.