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This kid loves Mountain Dew more than you've ever loved anything.

by Jon Henseler

Preach Marcel! Preach! I'll admit when I was this kid's age there was NOTHING I enjoyed more than Mountain Dew. Pretty sure I couldn't even drink a single can these days but Jon from ages 12-16 could not get enough of that stuff. The only downer was I started getting pretty bad migraine headaches during that time and my parents were convinced it was the amount of caffeine I was ingesting. So they started buying me caffeine free Mountain Dew to test their theory. Now anyone who knows anything about soda knows that caffeine free soda tastes like carbonated sewer water. Like I know caffeine 'technically' doesn't have a 'flavor' but in a different way it does and that flavor is rainbows mixed with sunshine. So being the little turd that I was I quite literally had a Jesse Spano meltdown about being deprived of my favorite legal drug and whined about how it tasted terrible and was likely ruining my life.

So long story long my mom decided to test my hypothesis with a simple blind taste test. One cup of regular Mountain Dew, one cup caffeine free Mountain Dew. So I tasted the first one and then the second and was convinced the first sip was the regular and the second was caffeine free. 'Are you sure?' my mom asked. 'Outside of the fact that I'm destined to become an internet jester I've never been more sure of anything in my life,' I replied. Well as it turns out my mom put caffeine free Mountain Dew in both cups. I was bamboozled. And that was the day my youthful optimism and innocence was lost. To this day when I order regular soda at a restaurant I can't trust that I'm not getting a caffeine free version unless I watch it get poured and even then I'm only 80% sure. So yeah, I understand where my man Marcel here is coming from. I just hope an adult in charge of his caffeine destiny doesn't betray his trust like my parents did.

PS: If Mountain Dew doesn't use this kid in their next marketing campaign they're nuts. Find someone on this planet that loves Mountain Dew more than Marcel you can't.

Double PS: In all seriousness Marcel, maybe mix in a water here or there.