Ladies and Germs, meet Joel Whittaker. Our guy, Joel, was recently busted in Rochester, Minnesota for trying to steal $1,250 worth of Girl Scout Cookies from a grocery store. So he made off with, what, 6 boxes of cookies?? Ahhhh I kid, I kid. But it sounds like he had his car stuffed with 23 CASES of a mixed variety of Girl Scout cookies.
Now Joel may be the one who is about to do the time, but I believe that he may be but a small part of a larger Girl Scout Cookie crime ring. I don’t know much about the black market or the drug trade, although I have watched The Wire on HBO two times through, but I think Joel was simply a mule for these Girl Scout Cookies. And I think they were destined for a Girl Scout Cookie Kingpin who lives at 123 Sesame Street:
Classic signs of addiction. That is a person/muppet that will do ANYTHING to get his hands on a few cases of Girl Scout cookies. Especially now that we’re in the Girl Scout cookie offseason. Most orders have been filled, paid for, and eaten at this point. Your best chance of enjoying a Thin Mint between now and next March is if you have a friend that you can blackmail who still has a package or two sitting around, or if you have access to the dark web.
So I would imagine Joel Whittaker was just a small cog in a larger machine that is orchestrated by a man/monster that has a singular thought process: Cookies. Thus endeth the lesson.
PS: Maybe my favorite gif of all time:
Put it in the Smithsonian.
Double PS: What in God’s name am I writing about in this blog anymore?
