Juggling and eating apples at the same time is mesmerizing entertainment.

It doesn’t happen much folks, but I am without words. I have no words in my vocabulary to describe the show that this guy is putting on. What a absolute tour de force. A unit and then some. The juggling, the eating, the primordial grunt, the look in his eyes, it’s all hypnotizing. I think America’s Got Talent starts next week? Well cancel the whole damn show. This guy is the winner. The last thing we need is for some family of 5 that has been practicing for their moment in the spotlight for a decade to get steamrolled by this dude in front of a national TV audience. So just spare everyone else the embarrassment and hand this guy the trophy or whatever it is they award on that show.

Related: One of my best buddies is getting married in September, and we’re currently organizing a bachelor party for him in August. I’m not someone who believes in coincidences, so I view this guy going viral yesterday as a sign that he needs to be the entertainment that night. Tired: Strippers at a bachelor party. Wired: Middle aged juggler who can simultaneously eat the things he’s juggling with a look of ferocity in his eyes.

PS: I almost erred and called this guy the ‘most talented person on the planet.’ Obviously not true. That title will always belong to Red Panda. But this dude is now a close second.