Play by play call of a converted 7-10 split is SPICEY.

This 28 second video is such a festival for the senses I don’t even know where to start.

But let’s begin with the bowler himself, Anthony Neuer, aka, The Ginger Assassin. What a nickname. As a fellow ginger, let me tell you, things can be a little rough as an adolescent. ‘Fire crotch,’ ‘carrot pubes,’ among other things, are all standard fare on the playground. You could almost put them as you name on your W-2 they get said so much. But Ginger Assassin? Well now we’re getting somewhere. That’s badass (?). Add in the shock of red hair in mullet form, a silky smooth American flag bowling shirt, and a little gloss of sweat from a day of demolishing pins with the boys, and all of a sudden you’ve spun the ginger narrative in a different direction. Leave some for the rest of us, Ginger Assassin.

One part of his game that could use some work though, is his celebration. I’m a lifelong bowler. Never in my life have I come close to connecting on a 7-10 split. I’ve converted a few 4-7-10’s (no big deal/kind of a big deal), but never a 7-10. They’re virtually impossible. So to get one, in that situation, with his look, I need more of a Kenny Powers celebration:

At the very least, we needed a little Pete Weber:

Still one of the all time non-sensical rants in sports history.

Now let’s move on to guy broadcasting this tournament. Al Michaels’ ‘DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!’ eat your heart out. Guy was fully torqued to see the 7-10 spare. I don’t know who he is, I don’t know what his name is, I don’t know his credentials, but I need more of that enthusiasm in my life. It’s almost like he willed that spare into being. Special call.

PS: During my junior year at North High, I had an assignment in an English class to make a tutorial video about something you thought you were an ‘expert’ in. Since I didn’t want to steal all of the girls in class by making my video about my Sousaphone playing skills, I instead made a video about bowling. And if you’re lucky, one day I will upload that video to this blog. Until then, just picture this: A pudgy red head, in a bowling polo, with khaki cargo shorts, and transition lens glasses, sweating, teaching you how to bowl. And to top it off, it’s all poorly edited!