Trailer for the Jake Gyllenhaal ‘Roadhouse’ remake is out, and it actually looks pretty good.

It is the summer of 2006. I am 22 years old and spending my summer calling baseball games for the Wisconsin Woodchucks in Wausau. This has allowed me to avoid hopping into the real world for 3 months as my buddy Nick and I criss-cross the Midwest watching mediocre baseball played by college baseball mercenaries. We’re paying $200 a month in rent living next to a bar in Stevens Point (shoutout Partner’s Pub). I am growing concerned that I’m losing my hair. I should be concerned.

One of the trips we make that summer is to Thunder Bay, Canada. Canada is beautiful. Thunder Bay is not. The bus trip to Thunder Bay is 9-ish hours, aka a ‘three movie trip.’ The first movie that the players want to watch is a movie I had never heard of until that day: Roadhouse starring Patrick Swayze and this girl who was in about 52 movies in the 80’s:

The opening scene of this American Cinematic Classic sucks you in immediately. It is a torrent of flashy colors, bolo ties, 80’s rock music and Dalton (Patrick Swayze) with his perfectly feathered hair kicking some ass in a nightclub.

I know what you’re thinking, “Jon, how can it get any better than that? The movie must stink after starting out THAT strong.” You’d think so, but you’d be wrong. The movie only goes up for the next 110 minutes. You get more fantastic music, poofy haired blondes flashing skin, domestic beer, Sam Elliott, and Dalton literally ripping people’s throats out of their body.

As you have probably surmised at this point, I made a strong connection with this movie while I was en route to watching the Woodchucks get their faces smashed in bya final score of 13-1.

I’ve probably watched Roadhouse 100 times since that day, and it’s gotten to the point where my wife groans like she’s about to be tortured whenever I notice that it’s on AMC or HBO.

All of that to say: I am VERY skeptical of someone trying to remake what is widely regarded as a perfect movie. Why try to re-paint the Mona Lisa, you know?

I must admit, however, this looks pretty solid. It’s seems to stay true to the original with it’s fast pace, crappy dialog, and main premise. You can already tell that Connor McGregor can’t act his way out of a paper bag, but that was sort of a hallmark of the original as well. I think I might be here for it, as long as I make sure to set my expectations appropriately.

PS: It looks like Jake Gyllenhaal will be spending most of this film without his shirt on, so that makes it an easier sell to the wife or girlfriend as well.

Double PS: Probably one of my favorite lines in movie history. “You’re too stupid to have a good time!” *SNAPS ANKLE*